Tuesday, December 4, 2018


November 26 - December 2, 2018

Wow, hard to believe this year is coming to a close.  It didn't start out on much of a high note, at least I had a few answers to the chronic pain and constantly feeling like I had the flu, hungover, and had just run a marathon all at the same time symptoms and some sort of a treatment plan.  Then the advocating for myself, after a stern talking to from my MIL, started.

Monday (5) - The rain was due to start later, and the 'feels like' temp was 47F, that didn't seem so bad, I still put on a headband but left the gloves in my backpack (ignoring my "if it's under 50 wear gloves" rule).  It felt way colder than 47F and the South East wind while making the trek up Shore Road pleasant is a harbinger of not so great stuff weather-wise.  Fortunately, all that seemed to transpire for us was endless rain.


30-second walk 4-minute run, took a mile for my hips to loosen up and to even feel like running.  The next mile was a bit better, a little looser, a little faster.  The third mile presented itself with an opportunity to see how few steps I could get through what, from a distance, looked like a really big puddle but was only 2" deep where the road crowns.  I picked up my feet really high and only my left toes got wet, and it was fine by mile 4.  It would be way more fun to slosh through the puddle but with the temperature and my sensitivity to cold, not the best idea.  I was back to struggling in mile 5 but knew I'd be done in 15 minutes or less so I 'muscled' through it.

Westerly Town Hall and Christmas Tree

Tuesday (1) - Elliptical warm up and then core and glute work, along with the proper way to do a lunge to engage the glute.  My left hip has been wonky, a re-occurrence of my 'hammock injury' from July. I have to walk about 1/8 of a mile to get to a normal gait, but I can regain my normal gait (waddle as I've been told).

Spying on something

Interesting conversation about understanding how someone with an invisible illness feels and the ability for people around us to either understand or not believe us until it happens to them.   I was and am and always will be very appreciative of the people around me who accept what I say when I say I can't, it isn't that I don't want to, it is that I physically cannot.    There is pushing through the pain cave during a race, that is temporary, imagine it as permanent and relentless, the physical, the mental, and the emotional state of those minutes during a race.  I've often heard "revenge is a dish best served cold"  I started to wonder if this is my "cold dish" because I did not believe someone or I pushed someone's buttons enough they whipped out their voodoo doll and started poking pins in it?  The answer I got from my friend was no, you got a bad hand of cards, hopefully, you'll get to play them all and get a better hand soon.

Hideous partition in the alcove I have to look at.

I will never know why my body decided to attack itself, it did, it happened, period.  Fortunately, we have modern medicine to help, although the medications I am on are decades old and there has been minimal progress in research and development of treatments for Lupus and Connective Tissue Diseases, there is something, that does work, for me, for now, to slow progression and reduce the symptoms.

I got it removed.  It didn't even fit in there.

Wednesday (7) - Hills with Ro, the wind, OMG the Gales of November are wicked for sure!  We were both fighting moving forward into the wind and enjoying the push moving with the wind.

My boss emerged from the shadows after a month hiatus and showed up at our weekly meeting.  That was a shocker.  Kind of made me a little nauseous because layoffs are happening.  She did say that I was pretty safe.  There are changes pending. cue eerie music

Contemplating barking at the mailman

Jax and I had a nice walk, he is training me to STFU and just let him sniff and wander.  I really need to bring some earbuds and listen to a podcast.  My headlamp went out halfway through the walk, I was glad we were in the park and not in the woods.

Thursday (2) - Elliptical warm up and butts and guts stuff.  Really sort of sucked on a nice sunny day, but oh well win some lose some.

What's That?

An afternoon of meetings ended with a surprise "Catch up" with my boss and someone else, someone not someone from HR.  Well, that was a relief.

I have a new boss.

Many years ago my company, in my opinion, at the hands of an overpriced overpaid egotistical consulting firm, went through a flattening process, increasing the minimum amount of direct reports to 7 and the maximum number of layers in the company to 7 to make us more agile.  Well, again my opinion, they got re-hired and re-paid to reprint the same report and provide new branding.  Yeah, I'm scratching my head too.  Didn't the incoming CEO pay attention to what the last two CEOs did?  Why can't these guys be like a cat and piss in the corner of the office to claim it?  Why do they need to redecorate and cause upheaval?

Lori asked if I had any questions.  I said, "Is Tara going to want to manage every minute of my day? Because we both know THAT isn't going to work."  She chuckled and said, "Yeah, it's pretty clear you allow someone to micromanage you at the start of a project, and then there is that point where you subtly and firmly let them know if they don't back off, they will be taking it over the finish line. The smart folks, back away, and let you take it over the finish line."

Bottom line:  I continue to have a job, I continue to agree to and seek out new assignments or projects, I continue to stretch myself beyond my comfort zone.  As a benefit, I stay employed (most important) and I get to work on interesting projects (very important) and with interesting people (keeps me amused).  I mean that in both the interesting and interesting sort of way.

Maybe I should be nonplussed by all this, honestly, SSDD, it really doesn't seem worth the effort. I get paid to do this if I wasn't:  BUH BYE!

Friday (6) - Run at lunch I wasn't feeling it.  I was glad I put on long tights, it was a raw cold.  I muddle through 4 ish miles and called it good.  I didn't sleep well, thanks Jax, and I think that was the bulk of it.

The rain started just as I was getting home and I got the boyz out for a walk around the old Burlingame Campground.  They need daily fresh air or they are miserable, or maybe that's me projecting on them, it could go either way.  We walked super slow and that was just fine, Jax could run ahead and run back to check on us.  Funny when you walk a path repeatedly how many new things you see.  For the first time, I saw the old electric poles along the side of the fire road.  We traced the lines and one ended crumpled on the ground and another was twisted on to a tree and the tree grew around it.

Saturday (3) - We raked leaves in the morning, the third time for Dave and the first time for me.  Probably the remainder of the lazy neighbor's leaves will make their way on to our yard, we figure in time for the first snow to make it look really ugly when we shovel.   Jax supervised, he enjoyed being outside unrestrained, his old age is making him less likely to do stupid stuff like wander off.

Dave went for a ride in Arcadia and while that was on my bucket list for the day getting Jax out was more important.  We went to a trail I haven't been on in years.  Although Strava says I was on it in 2013, I don't remember that.  I do remember all the times taking the Treacherous Trio there, and walking out and back with them.  Three huge dogs and me, and only once did I have to leash all three of them kinda made me realize that if they wanted to the 240 lbs of them could drag me across the forest floor.

Woo hoo

We had a nice hike, went on the exciting part by the stream, Jax liked that best if I was to guess. He was pretty wiped out when we got home, supervising Dave and I raking was a big responsibility.

The fun part!

Sunday (1) - It's raining.  I doubted I'd get out but it stopped and it was 4 and Jax was pacing.  We took him to Burlingame and got in a mile wandering around and I fell on my ass a couple times on the slippery leaves, good times!

Be careful it is slippery!


The Warburgs
by Ron Chernow

Status:  Paused

This one may be a better read than listen, there are so many characters in this family and I was getting them confused.  Or maybe I'm simply in need of a mind candy novel.  Hard to tell.  I was getting a little insight into German culture and that was nice.  The German Jew definitely didn't have it easy, far less easy than the German Gentile during WWII.

by Ron Chernow

Status:  Started

Maybe a biography will be better one person to focus on rather than an entire family?  I think I need a detective story, honestly.  I'll get back to all this history in due time.


I finished the sweater on the 29th.  And from my notes, I started this on September 15th, so 10 weeks of knitting.  Let's say the average is 10 hours a week of knitting, that makes 100 hours to knit this sweater.  I probably should keep track for the next one.   If I figure what an hour of my time is worth and add it to the cost of the materials that is one freaking expensive sweater.

I started a new one by a different designer.  I only have a few skeins of yarn left in my bin, yeah!!! and this one looked like it would work well with the three remains of the Icelandic wool I made a few pair of socks with and the socks shrunk and a SIL now has them, or I think she does or I gave them to someone else with cold feet.  Or hmmmm...  I'm really not sure.  I was just so pissed about the whole thing I'm really not sure where they ended up.

It is kind of plain looking, but there are subtle details on the front and down the sides.  It will end up going from a dark to a light color in three stages.  I think it will work, if not, well then I frog it and figure something else out.  For now it keeps my fingers busy and my mind occupied.

Beth happy to run a couple times a week and knit daily.


  1. Incredible Knitting Job!!! Well Done!! Pleased to read that you are still employed as that takes the stress level down a weeeeeeeeeeee bit. And Jax, You Just Bark All You Want There Boy. Tell That Mailman To Leave Some TREATS Along With The Junk Mail Flyers. HA

    Stay Strong Beth,

  2. Think About You JAX and Sending Some Healing Vibes Today. All Will Be Right Soon and Your Humans Will Be There For Ya.

    Big Hugs