Sunday, April 12, 2015

Day One 5K - Recap

I was struggling with how to recap this race, should I recap the 5K part of it or the purpose part of it?  it was an internal battle.

It is a 5K so there is the usual stuff  blah blah blah  Goals / Final time - I'll get to that....  

However this is also a cause near and dear to more than one friend's heart.  It isn't my cause, I have not been sexually assaulted, oh hell, call it what it is rape, yes, it is rape.  Friends have been raped, me?  I have a 'oh that was a close one' story I'll share for the comic relief after such a tough subject.  It sucks, watching what they go through as they process the rape and find a new normal and have the rape invade the new normal and adjust, I'm grateful I was spared, you can never predict how things will play out.


I love that the race course is mapped out on the tread of the shoe!!

Pure and simple cut all the Politically Correct crap, it is RAPE, calling it sexual assault doesn't make it any less of a crime, or make it seem less horrific, it puts more letters and syllables to the monster.  

And if you are a victim or know a victim, you are not alone.  Day One RI

Rape as defined by Merriam-Webster

noun
1
:  an act or instance of robbing or despoiling or carrying away a person by force
2
:  unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against the will usually of a female or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent — compare sexual assaultstatutory rape
3
:  an outrageous violation
Sexual Assault as defined by Merriam-Webster

noun
:  illegal sexual contact that usually involves force upon a person without consent or is inflicted upon a person who is incapable of giving consent (as because of age or physical or mental incapacity) or who places the assailant (as a doctor) in a position of trust or authority
I won't go off on a tirade of the pcing of terms, that isn't the point...

Day One defines sexual violence: 

What is sexual violence?

SEXUAL VIOLENCE occurs any time a person is forced, coerced, and/or manipulated into any unwanted sexual activity. Force is not just physical force or violence, but includes physical and verbal pressure, tricks, bribes, and threats. 

Examples of Sexual Violence Include:

  • Verbal (comments, threats,  notes, technology-e-mail, text messages, graffiti, phone calls, etc.)
  • Physical (contact w/sexual parts of the body)
  • Non-physical (stalking, staring)
  • Sexual violence also includes sexual exploitation, sexual contact, sexual harassment, exposure, human trafficking and voyeurism. Labels like date rape, partner rape, acquaintance rape, non-consensual sex, and marital rape might sound like the offense is less harmful, but it is not. They are all violent and are all rape.

It is rape.  

Ok someone take my soap box away, please.

I struggled with writing anything on this subject because I don't have experience, it's not MY cause.  Should I even attempt it? The race director said at the beginning of the race, "Don't be silent, everyone should speak out victims and their supporters" that made me feel comfortable giving a little bit of information on this group, and saying more about this race.  

It has happened to a half dozen friends.  That fact in and of itself is scary -->  I can name 6 friends who have been raped.  

General Statistics:

  • Every two minutes, somewhere in America, someone is sexually assaulted.
  • In Rhode Island, it is estimated that one in eight women have been sexually assaulted during their lifetime.
  • About 44% of rape victims are under age 18, and 80% are under age 30.
  • More than 59% of all sexual assaults go unreported to police.
  • Almost 9% of Rhode Island’s high school students reported that they had experienced sexual violence by someone they were dating or going out with in the last 12 months.  (YRBS, 2013)
  • 1 in 5 women experience an attempted or completed rape while in college.
  • Among adults, 73% of sexual assaults were perpetrated by a non-stranger. Among college women, that number rises to 80%.
  • About 25% of women in the military have been sexually assaulted during their careers.
  • People who identify as LGBQ/T experience sexual and domestic violence at the same or higher rates than those who identify heterosexual. (NISVS 2010)

So this sucks, no one deserves to be raped, no one asks to be raped, the are raped, period.

Hopefully you learned something?

And finally she's off the soap box....

So MY story - I said I'd end with a little comic relief.

In my early 20's was dating two guys:

Jim the Electrical Engineer with a Masters Degree from Stamford, the type of guy any girls father would love for them to date, high earning and providing potential, adding intelligence to the gene pool, clean cut, drove a sedan, a solid upstanding republican.

Bob the Harley riding, black leather coat wearing, guitar playing, can't believe he's got a job Bob.

Couldn't be more different, eh?

One night after a few months of dating, 5 dates I think.  Jim asks if he can come in.  Sure. What the hell, it's early,  I had to teach step in the a.m. but would be fine.  We had gone to dinner and to see "Shall We Dance", it was rather early.   

It started off as a negotiation.  He recounted the number of movies and dinners we'd been to and that it was about time he got a return on his investment.  That I was probably fucking other guys, why not him?  Ok to the accountant in me thought about ROI but that is on tangible not intangible assets, so the point is mute.  The second point.  Huh...  did he really want me to answer that question?  No. 

I can't even imagine the look on my face.

He proceeded to pull an envelope out of his jacket pocket and put it on the coffee table, and he started speaking "I have lubricated and un-lubricated condoms, so you can have sex with me and give me a blow job."  No.

I can't even imagine the look on my face.  

I got a bit nervous and wondered if Jay who lived downstairs was home and maybe I needed to drop something really heavy on the floor and let out a blood curdling scream.

One of my cats wandered through the living room shaking his tail at Jim.  Spider usually liked everyone too.  That was one of those 'I'd spray you, you foul thing you" tail shakes.

Spider - 1992 - 2008 

Spider - 1992 - 2008
Regal beast!


The negotiation lasted for a length of time, I'll spare you further details, you could possibly be horrified by what I have shared. Apologies, not intending to offend only to inform.  He even suggested the cat think it a good idea I have sex with him.  HA HA HA.   Spider probably would have clawed his arm or leg or face if I didn't shoo him away from the jerk sitting on my couch!

Jim left, disgruntled, I got a short apology on my answering machine the next day and never heard from him again till he found me on LinkedIN a decade or so later with connection request and a note saying "you may not remember me but..."  ha ha ha...

After hearing my door shut, rather solidly, Jay popped out to ask if everything was OK and that if I ever needed him to drop something heavy when I was yelling.   yeah, I'm a yeller, I'll admit it.  Probably the red hair? I'm also told I'm scary when I'm mad.  Who knew?

Bob?  He knew no meant no and if I was ever to the point of not making a sound decision, (or plain not making a sound decision) he took me home or extricated me from the situation I was in.  25 years later we remain friends (that whole dating/romance thing just didn't work)! I enjoy reminding him of his advancing age at each birthday and he reciprocates as my age advances by reminding me he retired at 50 all the while twisting the "well if you saved and planned like I did for retirement you too could retire at 50"  knife.   Prick. :)  

So boys, when your daughter dates, you don't know what lies in the heart of the boy or the man despite his outward appearance.  Know this and remind her of it also.  Never let your guard down. 

Oh, yeah,  the race stats:

5K

Goals
A:  sub 30 - until I can hit it consistently - I think I'm there RISP Foot Pursuit sub 29?
B:  sub 29
C:  don't die

Final results 29:29 per my Garmin - probably pretty dead on.  Full results here.  A couple more sub 30's and I'm ready to progress on wards to hitting sub 29 and ticking them off till perhaps sub 20?  HA HA HA!  I'll take sub 25 consistently, when I can get there.

Jennifer took off like a bat out of hell, as I expected, she was chasing demons.  After mile 1 I finally caught up with her, keeping her in my sights.  I stopped and walked the 1.5 mile water stop.  OH hush, I did it I admit it, it was a nice break.  Picked back up caught up with Jennifer.  At about mile 2 she was running out of gas.  I could see it.  I hung back for as long as I could.  I wasn't going to LET her beat me I would run with her though.

When she stopped to walk I said "Hey Momma get moving."  I got a hand wave and slowed my pace for a bit and glanced over my shoulder to see if she was going to try and catch up.  No dice.  It's her race and it's my race and we run our own race.  

I went on my merry way grunting and passing people.  Always fun the last mile of the race, the passing not the obnoxious grunting.

There was a slight incline to Mile 3 when that was over we rounded the corner and finished on the Brown University track!

Jennifer and Angie finished a minute after I did.  Both well on their way to sub 30 5Ks!

This was a great race course!  I think it may consistently conflict with the Westerly Clamdigger and that sucks, however Jennifer, Angie, and I hope to have a bigger team for next years Day One 5K!

Sincerely, 
Beth, reminding you not to judge a tiger by it's stripes. 

6 comments:

  1. Great recap! Don and Suzan came down to cheer us on today, and hypothesized (big word!) that you were probably out riding 100 miles on your fancy new bike or something. Glad you were in Providence supporting such an important issue, and not surprised! Don't worry about getting up on that soapbox either, you do it well. And you gave me a new goal this month: hassle you mercilessly to a sub-29 at the Foot Pursuit 5k, muahahahahaha....let the complaining begin!

    "Don't Push Me..." - Beth

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    1. Ha ha Crutch! I hope you do! Keep me on my toes and yes "Don't push me..." and I'm ALWAYS thankful for your support and harassment.

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  2. I am glad you decided to recap the entire experience. I absolutely love and appreciate every one of the words you chose to use. Thank you.

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    1. You are most welcome! Thank you for including me!

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  3. Fantastic recap and such an important message. Thanks for sharing.

    Great race. And now I look forward to reading about Mike getting you to a sub29. My two favorite pacers!

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  4. Thank you. Yes, Crutch is going to enjoy that process and each subsequent goal.... Great job on a super tough course yesterday, you should be very proud!!

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