Flying Spaghetti Monster

It has been a rough week in the cancer world.  Thankfully not my mom, however friends of my mom, friends of both my mom and my dad, friends of mine have said good bye to loved ones with cancer and we've had to welcome new members into the cancer club.  

I had to welcome in a new member of the Daughter’s with Mother’s with Cancer club, and the sub-group Lung Cancer.  It has brought back a flood of memories and feelings.

I never put this nasty disease out of my mind, sometimes it just simmers on the back burner, and that’s when it starts to give off this horrible rotten stench of bad news.  It is exhausting to have it always in the forefront of my mind and I welcome the time when it goes and hides in a back closet, although it always seems to come out with a vengeance as it has been being ignored.

Reminds me of a cat we had in Wisconsin.  Foghorn was his name. He was a long haired orange tabby cat that adopted us, just meandered into the mudroom one day demonstrated he knew how to let us know he wanted to go outside and how to use the litter box and not be a pest to the other cats.  Sure, welcome home cat.  We named him Foghorn because he made a noise like a foghorn (we weren’t always the most creative cat namers – Black Tail and Red Tail were prime examples of this) he made this noise instead of purring or meowing.  One day he disappeared just like he showed up.  It was about a week and we looked for him all over the house and the farm and my mother figured he just moved on down the road to a new family.  

In the bathroom across from my brother’s room was an ‘idiot’s closet’.  A very strange storage space, half way up the wall and it had a door.  We’d all been warned to NOT hide in there for hide and seek because there was no way to get out from the inside.  So of course this was the favorite hiding spots for hide and seek.  Usually it was us and the Gorman kids.   They lived in the house before us and it was fun to play with them in the old rambling sometimes spooky house and barns.  One of the 6 of us would get locked in at some point in time, usually on purpose by the seeker ‘accidentally’ closing the door because we all knew it was supposed to remain shut.  My Mom and their Mom stopped getting mad at some point and when it came time to ‘count noses’ they just went up to the bathroom and let out whichever one of us was locked in. 

We even checked the ‘idiot’s closet’ no Foghorn.  But shhhh there was this strange noise in the hallway closet.  

Whoever opened that door was greeted by the angriest orneriest hungriest cat they had ever met. 

See how that worked, angry cat angry cancer?

Helps take my mind to a different place as I relive the emotions of my mother being diagnosed through my friend’s mother’s recent diagnosis.   

I've never had a child, so I don’t know about repressing the pain of child birth enough to have another; some women say it is similar to the pain of finishing a marathon and then running another one.  I’ve no point of reference here.  Other than after I finished my first marathon I signed up for and ran my second one in less than 3 months, whatever pain I was supposed to feel from the experience I didn’t until the third one, and we don’t talk about it, and I don’t know if I’ll ever run another one, yes, it was that awful for me.  Oh, don’t go bringing up a 50K is longer than a marathon it is a COMPLETELY different thing, trails, the bestest runners in the whole wide world total apples and oranges comparing a blissful 31 mile trail run with 150 people to a 26.2 mile slog on the road with a bazillion runners elbowing each other.

Absolutely I’m trying to get back into full on suppression mode of the emotions of a parent being sick.  I can’t even imagine the emotions around losing a parent.  

My friends mother’s appointment with the oncologist was yesterday, I checked in.  I know I wasn’t so eager to share my pain but if someone asked I would unload.  And unload she did.  Ending with this:

“I will be honest, I am not well.  Everyone around me is stressing me with mom's condition one way or another and I feel sick.  I don’t even want to keep helping people anymore. I don’t have the strength in me for that and want to save it for mom. I don’t want to talk to people any more.  I look strong in front of my family but I am broken inside. It hurts so much. “

And I broke down... All those emotions came flooding back…

I replied back starting with this:

“I know exactly where your head is.  That over whelming desire to crawl up inside you and tell everyone to go to hell while you try and sort it all out.”

My advice to her was to put aside what could be put aside, say for a month, and revisit it then, when a new normal was starting to take shape.    If someone offers to help, unload what used to be a joy and now is a burden, say for a month, and revisit it then, when a new normal starts to take shape.   I honestly couldn’t tell you what I put on the back burner and what I didn’t; I went through the motions for many months maybe a year?  When my mother’s chemo seemed to be working and first the tumor shrunk, then it stabilized, and then she said she had enough of treatment and the tumor stayed exactly the same after a year of CT every 3 months, then a year of every 6 months and now two years of once a year, slowly through each round of good news a new normal began to emerge for everyone.

So a big fat smack on the face is what happened, was it because I've been leaving cancer locked in the closet like Foghorn?  Probably not.  This is how life works, you have a run of peace and a run of non-peace, if it was all easy and smelling of roses 24x365 it would be boring, right?

Thanks for listening.  As I told my friend, sometimes you just have to say it out loud and see how it sounds.  Kind of like how a past boyfriend explained to me to tell when spaghetti was done, throw it at the wall and if it sticks it’s done.

Sincerely, 

Beth, who is now craving pasta and wants to hug her mom

Dallas 9/19 - 9/22

I have become a serial over-committer in my advancing age.  I'm also finding I'm less and less bashful, mostly, although all of a sudden there are times I feel like running and hiding.

A friend sent me a link to the National Lung Cancer Partnership ("NLCP") Lung Cancer Advocacy Summit ("Summit"), you needed to write several essays to apply for this 4 day summit in Dallas in September, over a weekend I have a 20 mile run scheduled.  I wasn't so sure, competing priorities being top of my mind, I'm gone all but one weekend in October; however I am passionately curious (to bastardize an Albert Einstein quote) and I really want to be a better advocate and this would supply me the tools for my tool kit (sorry for the corporate speak, if it quacks like a duck, it's a duck) .  So let's just do this.  I answered the questions from my heart, I forgot to make a copy of what I submitted so I have no idea the words used in my actual submission.  We were to submit by June 22nd, I submitted on the 21st and we would know in a month.  I got the acceptance letter!  I was thrilled and then I was terrified.  What have I done?  How do I balance everything, do I have the vacation time, does Dave/Hubb have out of town plans for that weekend, what sort of commitment is this going to be going forward (seriously, no organization is going to spend 4 days educating and entertaining you and expect nothing in return, even a non-profit, especially a non-profit)...

Nicole introduced me to a woman who lost her mother to Lung Cancer, on her 30th birthday, what a horrible present...  Sally will be 'celebrating' her 33rd birthday in November.  I cannot even imagine.  First, being in my 30's and loosing my mother (my mother lost her mother when she was 31).  Second, on her birthday, it was bad enough my youngest brother's birthday was preempted by my mother's diagnosis, and the only way I can remember the year my middle brother was married was the same year as my mother's diagnosis.  Third, do we really need a third?  Probably in some grammar book we do?  Or is that just in outlining?  Sally was accepted also and right on top of making plane reservations and sending them to me and just keeping me informed on all the logistics.  I managed to book the wrong airport, and fortunately Delta was wonderfully accommodating when I explained I booked Dallas Ft Worth and I should have booked Dallas Love Field.  Doh!!!

It was a ridiculously early flight, like the first one out of Providence last Thursday.  I'm not a great flyer, more I just find it all annoying, having to pull my hair out of its pony tail through security and getting my licence critiqued.  I've changed a lot in the last 6 years since the damn thing was printed, seriously that IS me...  My passport?  Oh that expired years ago, I don't fly internationally anymore... and then just the people, so many people, all stopping in the middle of the hallway to do what I have no idea.   See annoying.  The first flight out was a good plan on Sally's part!

So we got in early, enough time for me to hit the treadmill for 6 miles.  OMG... that wasn't fun.   And not fun for First, being on the treadmill and I've never managed more than 3.  Second, the guy next to me, after I got off the treadmill, said "I wouldn't want to compete against you in a foot race." on the treadmill next to me.  Oh really?  Gimme a break pal, I thought pickups just happened in the hotel bar because really, not buying it.  And y'all saw my Strava input...  right...  whatever...  Dave/Hubb got a kick out of that, he said, didn't he smell you? Because, really you stink, really really stink.   Honesty is of the utmost importance, but really, THAT honest?  LOL  Third, oh do I really have to say it...

Thursday night was the meet and greet.  98 advocates telling their connection to Lung Cancer.  17 are Lung Cancer survivors, from months and one at 18 years.   My curiosity is always how were they diagnosed, what were their symptoms.  My mother';s was a relentless and intensifying pain in her back.

From the NLCP website link

Lots of pains in the back, a few facial pain, and some, NOTHING, the Lung Cancer was diagnosed as part of a different test, one for a chest x-ray as a part of a screen for TB before a volunteer assignment, another chest x-ray because of a suspicion of swine flu, another a different chest x-ray due to other familial cardiovascular problems.... this disease doesn't make itself known easily and when it is in later stages.  

Most of those with loved ones with Lung Cancer, no longer had them in their lives.  I am one of the very.  I don't really enjoy being special like that, nor do I want to be one of the majority... tough stuff to deal with.

Oh, most important, if you have lungs you can get Lung Cancer.  Smoking status doesn't matter, this stuff doesn't care, 50% of newly diagnosed Lung Cancer is in never or non-smokers.  Yeah, never ever ever in their WHOLE life smoked 15%.  Scary eh?  Touch one, smoke (legal or not) and you jump in to the non-smoker category...

Ok enough lecture, but doesn't it make you think?  I'm hoping it does.  No one deserves this disease, it doesn't care if you smoked or not or even if you gave it up years ago, it simply doesn't.   Smokers deserving this disease or bringing it on themselves is a HUGE hurdle to over come.  Anyone remember the 80's and AIDS only being a gay man's or a drug addicts disease?  Not so much anymore.  

Many of you are runners, we use our lungs hard and daily and expect a lot from them.  My mother was a runner late in life, and ran till a few years before diagnosis. I as well as my father are sure her excellent health was key to her survival, her body was strong enough to heal from all the poisons used to kill the cancer.

The second and third days were full days of discussions, learning sessions, and a lab tour of some of the cutting edge research the NLCP grants fund!  Very cool.  I have a lot to process.

The fourth day was action planning, with what you have learned what are going to be your actions over the next year.  I am focusing on Education and Awareness.  One of the things my mother mentioned, and it never sank in, was there just wasn't any Lung Cancer information at her cancer center.  She goes to a Cancer Support group in Ann Arbor, MI, this is associated with the University of Michigan, one of the top cancer centers in the US... If they are lacking in materials, I am sure other places are to!  And don't worry I'll get back to posting about my running!  

That was my time in Dallas, by the numbers:  16 miles on the treadmill. 28 hours in meetings. 98 new friends (ok maybe not really but close).  Not too shabby and worth all the time I spent there and will spend in the future as a Lung Cancer advocate (oh, I should update my LinkedIN profile!!).

Sincerely,
Beth, getting back to posting about her other passion, running, soon... hoping to run outside tomorrow... and what am I training for? Marine Corps Marathon with the Lung Cancer Alliance's Team Lung Love!!  And why am I doing this?  To double Lung Cancer survival by 2022!

MCM Training Week 5

Setting the stage:  I’m slightly cynical, with a side of sarcastic, sprinkled with a healthy dose of pragmatism. 

I joined a women s running group on Facebook.  An area where women can post about their running achievements, disappointments, challenges, and just get to know other women runners.  I joined a little halfheartedly, knowing I may pick up some interesting information a couple of tips but generally there would be forty seven thousand posts on the age old question do you wear underwear or go commando.  Seriously, a little tired of THAT conversation. 

Scrolling through, the usual underwear or commando questions, a few on pooping, some on fueling, a handful of  wave or no wave.  The posts that pique my interest more are about the first time or the millionth time running a particular race distance and goals people have for themselves...

Then there was something different.

Tammy

 Wow.

I open the snail mail once a week.  If I opened it daily I’d end up going through it more than once, and why bother.  So I sit down with the big basket of what amounts to mostly junk mail and open and sort into recycle, shred, deal with piles.  Even packages don’t get opened up right away.  Hubb works from home so he has time to stop, and open the package, and appreciate what is inside.  I prefer to take the time to appreciate what someone has packaged up for me, which makes them bananas.

Thursday night, after spin and some errands, I was home by 7, just me and the dogs to have an hour or so to decompress before hubb got back from his bike ride.  Perfect time for the mail!

One package were some books a friend returned with jams, jellies, and salsa she made, very cool!

The other package were sock monkeys, SMAC Sock Monkeys Against Cancer.

Phoenix  and NoMo
 Phoenix is all about SMACKING Lung Cancer out of this world
NoMo is the ALL Cancer fighting monkey.

I intended to give Phoenix to my mother, living with lung cancer for 6 years.  But there was Tammy…  a year younger than me, just starting chemo after surgery, a runner, chomping at the bit to get back on the pavement.  My mom always says how sad it is to see the young people in her support groups.

Saturday morning I mailed Phoenix to Tammy.  Saturday night I did the last 4 miles for my 14 mile long run, a long way of introduction that Tammy was in my thoughts and my loop in the park was dedicated to her.  Wilcox Park in Westerly is beautiful, calming, happy place, I hope some of that calming influence made its way to Tammy on my 1/4 mile loop.

February 23rd is the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon in Orlando.  A girlfriend decided WE needed to be princesses, who can refuse a tiara, right?  I fully expect CMK and I to cross that finish line with Tammy and witness her receive her well deserved tiara.

Sincerely, 
Beth, glad she didn't give in to her cynical ways and checked out the posts in the WRC and agreed when CMK wanted us to be princesses

Cancer

Tonight I went to the luminaria display at Relay for Life at Connecticut College.

I had no clue what to expect.

A girlfriend and her 11 year old son, a cancer survivor, are walking in a Relay for Life in Monroe MI.

As I walked around the loop, looking at all the luminaria I imagined Linda her sons: Matthew (diagnosed with liver cancer at 3 months old) and Raymond, and her brother making laps around the luminaria display happening at the same time in Monroe.  

I wonder if they too heard the names being read with a bagpiper playing Amazing Grace in the background.

Yes, yes bagpipes CAN be background music.  I often wonder what ever became of the man who played his bagpipes at Misquamicut beach on Saturday mornings.  Their sound combine with the sound of the ocean made my weekly long walk with Lola the bananas boxer somewhat calming.

And I digress.

There were so many luminaria, so many names.

I am always perplexed when I meet someone whose life is void of cancer.  Really?  That's possible.  Then again I was also surprised that no other families left a shot and a beer for Santa Claus.  It has been in my life since I was 4.

Sometimes I am jealous, they don't know the pain, the worries, the angst.  Sometimes I am sad they don't know that feeling of victory and relief when a scan comes back clear or no change.

I managed to only shed a few tears tonight.  Thinking of how far cancer research has come since 1972 and thinking how far it hasn't come for so many cancers.

Tears won't cure cancer.  Tears won't bring awareness.  Tears won't increase research.  Action will.

Action in the form of raising awareness through races and walks.  Action in the form of lobbying congress to pass bills such as the Recalcitrant Cancer Research Act.  Action in the form of raising funds to support awareness and research.

Sincerely,
Beth, running with the Lung Cancer Alliance's Team Lung Love, raising funds and awareness to bring assistance and hope to the people diagnosed with Lung Cancer.

Why Do You Run? - Quite The Loaded Question!

I run with the Lung Cancer Alliances’s Team Lung Love. We have a page on Facebook where the question “Why do you run?” was posed. A few fellow runners posted their stories and one said, “Beth, tell your story.” So I did. Unbeknownst to me my FB friends could actually see this post and one commented she couldn’t like my post but wanted me to know she appreciated my authenticity and admired the power I had chosen to have in my life.


That got me to thinking. Generally I’m a pretty introverted person, I know how weird for someone like that to have a blog and a FB page. Sometimes I have something I need to say out loud and these are perfect vehicles. I still feel like I am under a bit on anonymity because no one is seeing me say what I want to say. I know, I know it is sort of weird. Then again I like to write so maybe that is a characteristic of a writer or a story teller?

I will share with you my post:

Why do you run? This is why I run.

In August of 2007 my mother called, it was a Thursday. She never calls, unless it is bad news. She announced she had Cancer, Lung Cancer. I honestly cannot say the news of Cancer surprised me. This is what happens to the women in my family. They get Cancer, then they die.

My mom's mom passed away from Breast Cancer in July 1976, she was 57 years old. She was 4 years diagnosis to death. (all but one of her 7 sisters has passed from Cancer)

My dad's mom passed away from Ovarian Cancer in November 1987, she was 69. She was 3 years from diagnosis to death. Her mother died from Ovarian Cancer April 1935, she was 46.

Cancer has been in my life since I was 6 when my mom's mom was first diagnosed. It has been an unfortunate fact of life.

It was that “die from Cancer” that got me. My mom was going to die.

I started running in January of 2010, I was 42, fat, out of shape, and had been informed 3 months earlier I was on a lay off wave. The positive was my mother was still alive, and had progressed wonderfully through chemo therapy and radiation, in fact the tumor had stopped any activity. So then, why was I slowly killing myself?

I didn't take immediately to running, Couch to 5K in 2010, led to 1 5k and 1 3.6 mile trail race. My time was abysmal in both. In the spring of 2011, my father forwarded me an eMail. Lung Cancer Alliance Team Lung Love, an endurance team running ½ and full marathons to raise funds and awareness for Lung Cancer. Well, I could get behind this. How long was a half marathon 13.1 miles? I could run three why on earth couldn't I run / walk 13.1. I signed up, for the Cox Providence Rhode Race to be run May of 2011.  I haphazardly trained and crossed the finish line, in pain, hungry, and exhausted, 3 hours and 17 minutes after I started.

I vowed to actually run that damn thing next year (2012). I wasn't going to be conquered by a half marathon, my mom wasn't conquered by Lung Cancer, damn it.

So why do I run? I run for my mom, for Lung Cancer, and for those who can’t. I run because I can, because half way through training for the 2nd ½ marathon I fell in love with running and signed up to run with Team Lung Love in the Marine Corps Marathon in October of 2012, and will be running MCM again in 2013.

And as I am typing and editing this my mother (now over 5 year Lung Cancer survivor) called to let me know my cousin gave birth to her son and nearly died during childbirth. The nurse reported that she has seen cases of hemorrhaging much less severe take the mother's life.

And from this my take away is, my mother's generation and my generation are going to beat all the odds. I'll run and my cousin will be the best damn mother on the planet (well besides my own).

And that dear reader, is why I run.

Why do you run?

Sincerely,
Beth, running since 2010!

Terrific Thursday!!!!

One of my BIG motivators for running is Lung Cancer, specifically running with the Lung Cancer Alliance's Team Lung Love.  Team Lung Love runs Marathons and Half Marathons across the US all with the goal of raising funds for the Lung Cancer Alliance.

A little bit about the Lung Cancer Alliance, it is the only national non-profit organization dedicated solely to providing support and advocacy for people living with or at risk for Lung Cancer.  Having referred several people to the Lung Cancer Alliance and have gotten huge THANK YOU in return for the support and information the Lung Cancer Alliance was able to provide; I am even more convinced I picked the right Lung Cancer advocacy organization to become involved with.

Check out the Lung Cancer Alliance website for all the services they offer the Lung Cancer patient, those at risk for Lung Cancer, and the families and caregivers of Lung Cancer patients.  Truly an amazing and wonderful group of people. I'm honored to have met (and run) with many of them!!

The Lung Cancer Alliance and it's supporters, along with the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network (PAN CAN) lobbied federal hill to ensure the Recalcitrant Cancer Act was published into law.  Today the President signed this in to law!!  What does this legislation included in the National Defense Authorization Act of 2013, require?  It requires the National Cancer Institute (NCI) to develop scientific frameworks for addressing cancers with survival rates of less than 50%, with first priority attention to lung and pancreatic cancers.  See the Press Release for more detailed information.

This is one of the reasons I run.  I am motivated by this cause, my mother was diagnosed with Lung Cancer in 2007, she is a 5 year survivor.  There is a 15% 5 year survival rate, the same as it has been since Nixon declared War on Cancer in 1971.  Many other cancers are survivable, people live with them like any chronic condition.  Someday, and sooner rather than later with this landmark legislation, Lung Cancer and Pancreatic Cancer patients will be living with the disease and not dying from it.   Why do I run?  My mother would not let me shave my head in support of her loosing her hair through chemo, she suggested I find something more productive to do than be bald in the middle of winter.  She then proceeded to remind me how I was nearly three before my hair actually started growing and now that I had hair, why mess with success.  Even in the throws of chemo and chemo brain she was on her game!!!  My father found the link to Team Lung Love and forwarded it to me with a note saying "This may be a better option than shaving your head."

Most people I run with have lost a family member to Lung Cancer. A few of them are even surviving WITH Lung Cancer!!!   At times I feel so guilty my mother has survived, when so many mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, grandmothers, grandfathers, brothers, sisters, husbands, and wives lives have ended far to early from this bastard of a disease.   Once I get out of my funk, I remember that it is the survivors and the loved ones of those lost to Lung Cancer that  can and will make the difference.  They shout out, No More Lung Cancer. No More Excuses.  Would the Breast Cancer mortality rates have plummeted so dramatically if the women, and the men, surviving Breast Cancer,and their families, didn't band together to increase awareness about the disease and funding for a cure?  They were able to take advantage of Nixon's War on Cancer, kudos for them! Now it is time for Lung Cancer, the Recalcitrant Cancer Act kicks it up a notch (in the infamous words of Emeril Lagasse) bringing Lung Cancer out of the shadows, ensuring people can be diagnosed earlier when there is a fighting chance of managing and defeating this disease!!!

I have so many supporters, both who financially donate to the Lung Cancer Alliance for the races I run and who encourage me when the going gets tough and I feel like giving up.

Thank you all!  You all are a part of this landmark legislation!!!

Sincerely,
Beth, who sees no problem with the date of 1/3/13!! Double thirteens mean good tidings!!


PS OH yeah, I did run today.  3.6 miles in 20 F.  My fashion consultant would have had a coronary had she seen my outfit.  Orange and white striped hat, green shirt, black and white skirt with black capris and black socks with blue polka dots finished off by dark gray Asics with green and purple accents.  I was quite the sight to behold.  Channeling Blossom, perhaps?  One of my co-workers actually stopped me and said "Beth, you usually are so pulled together what the hell happened?" as I was skittering out of the gym to start my run.  At that point I KNEW it was bad if these words came out of a guys mouth.  Alas, I did not snap a picture, it may have broken the camera!!

Marathon Recap - Quick Post

I don't know where to start....

Saturday a.m. Hubb dumped me off at the train station for my trip to DC.  The train was on time and the next 6.5 hours were mine to nap, read, hydrate, Facebook, WWF, listen to a book.  I listened to a book and started a second. That was good to calm my nerves.  Nerves for a lot of reasons:

• would the train get in on time (2:30ish) so I could get to the expo and pick up my bib
• would my back seize up during the race
• am I hydrated enough
• why the hell did I buy trail mix with raisins, didn't a friend tell me to not poop my pants at the finish
• oh crap I have no idea how to get to the hotel (I did get THAT figured out) DC has a wonderful Metro system
• have I gotten enough sleep
• and so on...

Eventually I just settled into watching the scenery go by and listening to my book.  The train ride was nice, I really enjoyed it. Much much nicer than the commuter rail in to NYC on a weekly basis.

I did get to the expo in time to pick up my bib!  Thanks random guy for taking my picture!!

Had a lovely dinner with Team Lung Love, Julia made a wonderful video of the runners and who we run for.  We all told our stories of how we are connected to Lung Cancer and why we run.  It was wonderful.

I slept fitfully.  Glad I had slept well in the previous week. 

It was chilly, I had a rain poncho and a long sleeved t-shirt to pitch once the race started. There were a few sprinkles, no real rain. PSHEW!!  Hurricane Sandy was delayed in making landfall and the only thing we felt were the winds.

Race gun was 7:55. We were in 'Runner's Village' with enough time for a team mate to meet up with her running club and use the porta potty and get to our starting corral.  We lined up in the 5 hour corral with the 30,000 other runners I didn't need the long sleeves or the rain poncho to keep in the body warmth, pitched those.  There were prayers and God Bless America and a fly over by the Osprey (I hope I get that right - stuck in the hotel for the foreseeable future and have limited access to the Internet to blog and fact check)

The race was awesome.  I've been having problems with my SI Joint all week, and it was tight when I started and it hurt for the first 4 miles.  Eventually I managed to let go of the tension and worry and get into stride.  That was key, just letting it go and running. I trained for this, I wanted this, I was going to do this.  I was even enjoying running WITH people around.  I had no idea how inspiring it could be or how helpful.  My pace stayed pretty steady!  Once I stopped thinking about my back and worrying I'd wake up paralyzed the next morning all was good.  I thought about what the Lung Cancer patient goes through, the chemo, the radiation, the surgery, and how painful that was and it wasn't TEMPORARY, my pain was TEMPORARY.

I don't even know what to say about running 26.2 miles around our nations capital.  Awe inspiring?  A cloudy, 60 degree day are actually perfect running conditions. 

I crossed the timing mat listening to "Open Road" by The Gibson Brothers.  Marc MacGlasshan plays the hell out of that Smith Creek Mandolin and I just love listening to Leigh and Eric too!  It took nearly 20 minutes to cross the timing start mat from the 7:55 gun time.  The music kept me going.  A little George Thorogood reminded me of my work peep and made me smile.  Some Sargent Vines cadences kept me in line.  Songs that remind me of friends and songs friends recommended came on at THE right time.  I finished to Flo-Rida "Wild One" too perfect.

There were points I thought, what are YOU doing Beth, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  and I would dig into the tips and tricks to get through it, and just get through it!  I thought about who I am running for.  Held my hand over my mother's picture for strength.  Touched the names on the back of my shirt for strength. I run for Lung Cancer, To End The Stigma. 

At mile 23 Team Lung Love was there cheering us on.  I felt like a million bucks and had 3 miles to go.  I wanted it to end but didn't want it to end.  I mean a freaking Marathon, I was running and about to finish a Marathon!!!  Julia snapped a pic...  A friend said "Look at that shit eating smile."  Love it!!

At about mile 24 there were Dunkin Donuts munchkins.  I've never had a better munchkin!!

I finished 5:09:55 with a smile on my face and nearly in tears, I DID IT!  I wanted to be sub 5. Then I thought about it.  A year ago my longest race was 4 miles, and that was November 13, 2011... so yeah, I'm pretty proud of what I have accomplished in less than a year!!!

After the race I re-hydrated and ate and laughed with three new friends!

Sincerely,

Beth, the marathon runner, OMG

PS  I slept well, and feel great the day after.  Wonder what tomorrow will bring? Stuck in DC, till Wed...

Mud Part Deux

Running a looped course is like trying to run from your problems, it really doesn't get you anywhere  you end up right back where you started.   Isn't that how it works, the harder you try and run away from something the quicker you end up right back in its lap?

I ran a different loop of Bluff Point tonight and still ended up at the same place.  Go figure.

The dogs licked off a lot of the mud...

My mom has Lung Cancer.  She is 5 years post diagnosis. 15% of people with Lung Cancer make it 5 years.  That is a shocking and sad statistic that has not moved since Nixon declared war on Cancer in 1971. It is important to note the Breast Cancer 5 year survival rate climbed to 95% at the 5 year mark.  My mom's mom passed away with Breast Cancer in 1976 after a 2 year battle.  Way back then Cancer was discussed in hushed tones in the back of the room.  Now, Breast Cancer is out there, Save The Ta Tas, Pink Ribbons...  it is always in our face.  People donate, they care, oh you have Breast Cancer, "I am so sorry".

I remember telling the first person outside of my immediate friends my mother had Lung Cancer.  His first question was, "Is she a smoker?"  I had no idea how to answer that question or what drove it.  My mom smoked until she was 40.  She quit in 1984, it was torture for all of us, especially her.  Smoking is a bitch of an addiction to kick. Statistics say that 20 years post quitting your chances of developing Lung Cancer are that of a non-smoker.  I said "She was." and the conversation ended at that point.   The smoking stigma slapped me right in the face.  I had no idea what had just happened, NO IDEA. I stopped talking about it and only to my closest friends.  It wasn't until 2011 that I started to wake up and talk about it, more and more and more.  Now it is a main topic of conversation.

A bit of history on my mom, January of 2007 my mother starts having these awful pains in her back and shortness of breath.  Doc ordered an x-ray, nothing.  Her smoking history wasn't considered, she was technically a non-smoker, so her primary care physician prescribed painkiller after painkiller   Nothing worked. The pain was so intense and constant nothing was numbing it, nothing. Eventually the question of Cancer came up.  Why is this the LAST thing considered?  From January 07 - July 07 the tumor grew around her ribs and spine pinching nerves (the pain she felt) to a whopping 8cm when it was finally diagnosed as Lung Cancer.  I am blathering towards the why this has me all twisted up at the present time.  Next week by this time we will know if that bastard tumor, which has been dead for the last three years, remains dead.

I came home from my run muddy and crying.  Hubb called me when I was about a minute from home, too late for me to even attempt to pull myself together.   My poor hubb can't understand me through my sobbing and just looks so desperate to help me.  He did say, "Well at least you are muddier than yesterday.  So maybe I'll believe you, this time."  That garnered the giggle it was meant to. I had so hoped he would be off at his evening commitment so I could just collapse on the kitchen floor and have the dogs demand their dinner.  I don't like to explain myself, I just like to be left alone until I am feeling my normal sarcastic smart-ass self and then live on, avoiding talking about whatever...  That poor man, God love him, I know I do, just sat there trying to figure out what was going on and be supportive to this hot muddy mess standing in front of him.  Seriously, I'd rather have the dogs deal with me, they would just lick my tears (and my muddy legs) and breathe their stinky wonderful dog breath on me and eventually one of them drags over a toy as if to say, OK, enough, let's play and most likely box me in the face!!!  We would play and wrestle there on the floor till I felt better.

Hubb just said, "Hon, it is OK, your mom is more energetic and positive than she was this time last year, everything is fine. All is fine.  You had me worried there for a second."  And he suggested that I was a little muddy and ripe and wouldn't a shower feel good, he turned up the hot water heater.  A super hot shower, hmmmmmm....

So crying and running doesn't work so well, you become more of a mouth breather and erratic ..  oh well, at least I felt like I was beating something evil out of me through every footfall, as erratic as they were.

All in all the run helped, I got to splash through a couple puddles, I didn't want to do all of them, MCM is happening in less than 4 weeks, I cannot be injured and that includes blisters. First rain post MCM and I'll be hitting ALL of the mud and the puddles.  After all I am a 12 year old boy disguised as a middle aged woman.

Stats:

Summary

The loop from yesterday starts and ends at the green dot but through the green area....

Yeah, lacking consistency.  The trail was so beautiful.  

Sincerely,
Beth, the hot mess.

Catch Up On Odds and Ends Wednesday (Rest Day)

Rest Day!  Time to catch up on odds and ends and spend an evening at home, ahhhh....

Insoles:

I didn't report back on how the Superfeet Insoles worked for yesterdays run.  Yes, I did wear them for my 6 mile mid day run on Tuesday.  They felt a little stiff and weird at first, like anything new takes a bit of a trial period to figure out what is going on.  I totally forgot they were in my shoes before the end of the first mile.  At the end of the sixth mile I did remember they were in there mostly because my heel didn’t have any ache to it.  I did ice my heel after the run and will continue to sleep in my boot.  I do think this insert will help me manage the PF heel pain and guide my strides to be less focused on hitting on the heel first!  Not sure if this is a forever or a temporary thing.

This really doesn't have anything to do with the insoles, but most days I feel sort of stiff if I sit for too long.  Last night upon getting up from the high top table I 'needed a minute' to stretch everything out.  I usually do when I sit at my desk for long periods of time.  My friend said "When do you turn 50?"  I said "5 years" She said "You aren't OLD enough for that crap and besides, your in decent shape, what gives?"  Honestly I hae no idea.  Anyone else out there have any thoughts on this?

I may try spending a few hours a day standing instead of sitting at work.  I can raise up my workstation to work standing.  I know, doesn't that seem a little weird? It does seem weird to me.  Then again, running a marathon seems a little weird to people to. Weirdness is all relative.


Music:

A couple weeks back I put out a plea for sponsorship for the Marine Corps Marathon.  This will be my first marathon,  I am running with the Lung Cancer Alliances's Team Lung Love.  A little bit about the Lung Cancer Alliance, their mission is to provide support to Lung Cancer patients and their families, advocate for more government funding for Lung Cancer treatment and early diagnosis program.  While I do have a donation goal, I am also respectful if people don't or can't donate.  If they did want to support me, they could still support me by nominating songs for my running play list.  Of course the donors could also nominate songs. This was the latest batch of nominees:

“Express Yourself”  Madonna
“Jump Rope”  Blue October
“Hate Me” Blue October
“Get A Grip” Aerosmith
“American Pie”  Don McLean
“Saturday Night” Bay City Rollers
“Flashdance…What A Feeling”  Irene Cara
“I Wanna Be Sedated”  Ramones
“I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend” Ramones
“Praise You” Fatboy Slim
“Right Here, Right Now” Fatboy Slim
“Enter Sandman” Metallica
“Leave Out All The Rest” Linkin Park
“You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid”  The Offspring
“Working My Way Back To You Babe” Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons
“We Will Rock You” Queen

No one is every voted off the play list unless I really can’t deal with it for whatever reason.  Just because “Mambo Number 5”  Lou Bega is on my list doesn’t mean absolutely ANYTHING goes, the fact “I’m Too Sexy”  Right Said Fred does, or so I’m told.

Anyhoodles a brief recap of getting used to some of the songs:

Aerosmith, I listened through the list at work and found I wasn’t a big fan of the song.  I was at my desk, and well the environment is fairly caustic, so consider the environment.  When Steven Tyler belched in my ear and told me to “Get a Grip” it was at the precisely right time during my Sunday long run, damn I love it when things work out like that, I was sold.  A long slow up-hill I had been dreading from the beginning of my run.  Don’t you hate it when you do that to yourself?  So I got a grip and got up that sloping long hill and was a better person for it.  Thank for getting me out of my own head for that span of time!

Fatboy Slim, oh good grief I had no idea who sung those song so when a friend said “Anything by Fatboy Slim”   actually she said “Anything by Fatman Slim”  220 221 whatever it takes.  I did the sneak peak listen on Amazon and went, wow, so cool I had no idea who ‘sung’ those songs.  I downloaded the whole album and may pick a couple more.  Awesome to run to, I can sing along and get lost in my head, beauteous!

Ramones, really Beth?  Why did you have no Ramones?  Perfect, for just pounding along and recalling a band from my youth that played a few Ramones covers their original 'melodies' were in that same style.

I’d of never added Madonna to my list, “Express Yourself” is perfect and was suggested because, my friend always does have a unique way of expressing herself and I can think of some of the crazy things we did together, way back when.

Hubb nominated "Working My Way Back to You Babe” while it is a little slow, it is always a reminder that eventually I will be back home.  Awww…

All the songs are appreciated and I think about the person who recommended them to me and just smile and run along lost in my thoughts, memories, or just taking in the beauty of my running routes.

Other:
I'm finally finishing a pair of socks I started knitting in February!  My goal was one pair a month for 2012.  Well that didn't happen.

Gus decided to experiment with 'free feeding' yesterday.  He ate too much, we aren't quite sure how much but he put a big dent in the food bag. We are switching foods so the 'new' food isn't in the container (with a screw top), and well he found the bag and nosed it open and had a ball.  Well, tonight at dinner he was not too hungry and a little scared of the food.  Hubb said he figured it out with the morning poop clean up.  There was A LOT of Gus poop... Poor guy.  We have the bag closed with a piece of granite on it to thwart further 'free feeding'.

Gus! 

Sincerely,
Beth, relaxing

Peace

Today is International Day of Peace and National Run at Work Day AND National Run at Work Day

National Run at Work Day: Started in 2006 by the Road Runners Club of America to promote physical fitness.

While I didn't run at work, I did leave early to run my favorite trail, Bluff Point.

Bluff Point (Sept 2011)

It was a nice run, felt like being back in a lover's arms after a long absence.  I felt the love of the trail and the love for the trail.  It went well with the whole International Day of Peace theme and meditation the balance of my day experienced.  Running itself is meditative and peaceful for me, it takes me out of my own head and into my own head all at the same time.  My pacing was even especially on the hilly part and the last 1/2 mile was down hill and smooth and I felt like I could have kept running to the car.

My initial thoughts running down the trail were about a friend who told me today she spent last Friday with a Lung Specialist, and this week getting all sorts of tests.  They don't know what is wrong yet.  She has pain in her back, low and only on one side, probably pleurisy, swollen lymph nodes  probably pneumonia, nodules in her lower lungs, undetermined, biopsy pending.  All I could say was "This is going to sound alarmist, however you know where it is coming from, a place of caring and love. Please tell me they did not rule out Lung Cancer out of hand." She said "The doc did not."  The doc did ask about her smoking history AND her exposure to cigarette smoke.  Oh how this makes me happy.  Her exposure to cigarette smoke was through her childhood, and she never smoked.  She also has Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis so there is a whole autoimmune thing going on there too.  Doubtful it is Lung Cancer, however to have the doc not dismiss it as a possibility really gave me hope.  So many women with no smoking history get diagnosed with Lung Cancer because they didn't smoke, Lung Cancer is dismissed, well you only have to have lungs to get Lung Cancer, right?

A lot of my run was thinking about my friend, and her family and hoping, praying, meditating this was just pneumonia she picked up on a business trip.  She was also a focus of my meditation tonight.

Towards the end of my run I was recalling when I couldn't even run the full 3.6 miles of that trail.  Feeling like I could run more when I finished was such a wonderful feeling!!  Driving home I felt very proud and at peace and excited for my next two adventures Yoga and Mediation.

International Day of Peace:  In 1981 the United Nations General Assembly stated September 21st the International Day of Peace, the first day was celebrated a year later in 1982.

Peace starts from within.  If you are peaceful and interact peacefully with others, chances are pretty high they will interact peacefully with you.  Several times a week we have an announcement "This is a bird free day".  Ever heard of the game Angry Birds?  This is where the statement was coined, because when specific people are in the office they are, Angry Birds, and generally bring a wholly unpleasant atmosphere to the office.  I do believe this has been discussed with them, and they see no issues with their behavior.  To each his own.  When the birds arrive the ear buds are firmly implanted in our ears and we try our best not to be subjected to the toxic conversations.

Angry Birds (from Angry Birds website)

Someone noted yesterday the vibe changes to the work space.  One of the birds was in for a half day.  It was noted, the ear buds went in and heads down elbows up was the stance assumed by nearly everyone in the work-space. When the bird left, it was like everyone's neck grew 3 inches and their smiles returned, the vibe was happy, and the air seemed cleaner.


I went to Yoga tonight, and then to a meditation specifically honoring International Day of Peace, afterwards.  One of the regulars brought two friends.  Sister desperately in need of some peace.  Their brother committed suicide earlier in the week. Yoga is good for finding peace and getting into out our of your own head.  What a wonderful friend to bring them to yoga.  They also went to the meditation afterwards.  Ultimately, seeing them during and after the meditation, it looked like they found some peace.

When Heidi talked about peace, and the four stages of inner peace, all I could think about was the general calm and jovial vibe in the office. And how, that negativity by one, two, or three people just makes the office unpleasant, poisonous, or toxic.  I do my level best to maintain a good and positive mood and vibe.  There are days when I am off my game and the guys (and my Hubb) call me out on it.  I love them for that.  They just say it like it is "Beth, what crawled up your ass?"  "Beth, who pissed on your grapes?" or my Hubb's favorite "What IS your malfunction?"  Generally I will announce that I am "In a mood, give me some time, I'll get back to normal."  for the times I don't I do appreciate being 'called out'.  Part of peace is being true to yourself and those around you.  This honesty at home and at work, is a blessing.

The meditation was interesting.  For starters it was in an old bank building I've always wanted to see the inside of, so there was also that motivation. My insatiable curiosity does serve me well!  There was a spiral laid out in the center of the room with a candelabra in the middle and small candles around the outside of the spiral.  Kinda reminded me of the Godsmack video Voodoo, yeah, I am weird like that.  We meditated for 30 minutes with bowls, gongs, bells, being played softly in the background, very cool.  We ended the meditation standing in a circle around the spiral holding hands and singing "Om Shanti Om".  Very cool.

I felt very centered and at peace.  There were a few tears shed during yoga and during meditation.  Emotional cleansing.

Stats:

Summary

Route, looks like Italy in the mirror, eh?

Splits, that last 0.5 is down hill and I love it!

Decent pacing with the hills!  Happy Happy!

Sincerely,
Beth, who is feeling peaceful and hopes to radiate peace to others

73 Days!?!?! OMG

73 days until the Marine Corps Marathon in Washington D.C.  I am so thrilled to be participating in my 3rd event with the Lung Cancer Alliances Team Lung Love!  We will even have new racing singlets, I hear they are no longer white, pretty excited to see what they look like. What I am most excited about is being part of the Lung Cancer Alliance family.  All the rest is just the whipped cream and cherry on top of the hot fudge sundae, but the best part is that base the core the reason for the cherry and whipped cream!

The new Lung Cancer Alliance logo is pretty styling, check out their website here:  Lung Cancer Alliance

I love love love their "No One Deserves To Die" campaign.  No One Deserves To Die

The campaign stirred up a lot of controversy and that is exactly what is should have done.  The statistics are amazing.

1 in 14 diagnosed
2 of those 14 will live 5 years

The deadliest at 160,340 deaths per year
The least funded at $1,442 in federal funding per death

Compare this to Breast Cancer

39,920 deaths per year
$26,398 in federal funding per death

Shocking isn't it?  Terrifying isn't it?

And wait there is more....

The smoking stigma must be removed.  This disease does not only happen to smokers, it happens to anyone with LUNGS.  Children, mothers, daughters, fathers, brothers, grandmothers, grandfathers, grandchildren, aunts, uncles, A.N.Y.O.N.E. Lung Cancer simply does not care.

This is why I am running with the Lung Cancer Alliance's Team Lung Love, this is why I speak my mind and my heart about Lung Cancer.  I run for my mother, a 5 year survivor of Lung Cancer, a non-smoker, had her last cigarette more than 20 years pre-diagnosis, setting her odds at developing Lung Cancer the same as a non-smoker.  I run for friends mothers who were never smokers, taken just months after their Lung Cancer diagnosis leaving a huge gaping hole in her and her siblings hearts.  I run for Cyndi's mom who was months away from her 5 year mark.   I run for a better, more open, non-confrontational discussion about Lung Cancer and who gets it and what can be done about it.

The Lung Cancer Alliance provides support and advocacy for those living with and at risk for Lung Cancer.   Being the voice for those who aren't able to be their own voice and increase federal funding for Lung Cancer research, prevention, and screening programs.

I am progressing on my training.  Small set back with an injury, more of an over use just needed a couple weeks rest injury before it became a 'no more running injury'.  All in all I am feeling confident and ready to take on the rest of the miles in my schedule!!!

I am falling a bit behind in my fundraising though...  If you an spare a couple of bucks for this most worthy cause I would be appreciative!!!  Plus it is tax deductable AND your employer may MATCH your contribution, wouldn't that be nice to donate $25 and have it go on record as $50, pretty cool, eh???

My personal fundraising page:  http://tinyurl.com/
bethrunsinri

Sincerely,
Beth, who loves to run and really gets weirded out by this asking for money stuff....

Dr. Evil's Underground Lair

When you run the same route often enough do you begin to make up stories about the mysterious things you see?

Dr. Evil's Underground lair?

There is an identical one across the street from this and then a half mile down another set.  They are some sort of flood control for the Pawcatuck River.  Until someone told me that I had all sorts of stories about these being the entrance to Dr. Evil's Underground Lair, an auxiliary garage for the Bat Mobile.  What amazes me most is they never have graffiti on them.  What an exceptional canvas, either someone watches them like a hawk or there just aren't vandals in that neighborhood.  I'd like to think the area is sans vandals.

Really what I thought about most on today's run was Lung Cancer.  My mother is approaching her 5 year anniversary being diagnosed with Lung Cancer.  A co-worker lost her father last week to Lung Cancer.  Another co-worker lost a good friend last month to Lung Cancer.  A good friend lost her mother to Lung Cancer in February.

Lung Cancer is the underdog Cancer.  Since Nixon declared "war on cancer" in 1971, the 5 year survival rate of Lung Cancer has essentially not moved, it has gone from 13% to 15%.  The survival rate for Breast Cancer has moved from 75% to nearly 90% in that same time period.  The awareness and advocacy around Breast Cancer is tremendous.  Frankly who doesn't like boobs?  And Lungs, well we can't see them and oh yeah, didn't the smoker bring on their cancer?  WOAH wait a minute.  Did you know that 80% of all new diagnosis of Lung Cancer are in former and NEVER smokers?  Did you know that the survival rate is so low because Lung Cancer is not diagnosed early enough AND it is the least funded for Cancer research by the NIH, DOD, and the CDC has $0 in funding for Lung Cancer research.

So yes, it is a lot of facts and figures.  I pulled these from:  Lung Cancer Alliance Lung Cancer Facts and Figures, check it out your self.  Also take a cruise around the Lung Cancer Alliance website tons of helpful information to learn more about Lung Cancer, to find support groups for Lung Cancer Victims and their Families.

Do you know anyone with Lung Cancer?  Or who passed from Lung Cancer?  It is a tough disease.  I know being the daughter of a Lung Cancer survivor, and the friend of someone who passed from Lung Cancer the first question is "did they smoke?"  it is a tough question.  Because you can visibly see someone shut down when the answer is yes.  Think about this:

Tobacco causes 14 types of Cancer

What can you do? You can support me with a donation to the Lung Cancer Alliance!

I am running a Full Marathon, the Marine Corps Marathon with Lung Cancer Alliance's Team Lung Love in Washington DC on October 28th.  The funding goes for Education, Awareness, and Advocacy about Lung Cancer!

My personal page: http://tinyurl.com/7o9vq2r

And I leave you with this thought, DustyJoy.org says it best: