Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Mud Part Deux

Running a looped course is like trying to run from your problems, it really doesn't get you anywhere  you end up right back where you started.   Isn't that how it works, the harder you try and run away from something the quicker you end up right back in its lap?

I ran a different loop of Bluff Point tonight and still ended up at the same place.  Go figure.

The dogs licked off a lot of the mud...

My mom has Lung Cancer.  She is 5 years post diagnosis. 15% of people with Lung Cancer make it 5 years.  That is a shocking and sad statistic that has not moved since Nixon declared war on Cancer in 1971. It is important to note the Breast Cancer 5 year survival rate climbed to 95% at the 5 year mark.  My mom's mom passed away with Breast Cancer in 1976 after a 2 year battle.  Way back then Cancer was discussed in hushed tones in the back of the room.  Now, Breast Cancer is out there, Save The Ta Tas, Pink Ribbons...  it is always in our face.  People donate, they care, oh you have Breast Cancer, "I am so sorry".

I remember telling the first person outside of my immediate friends my mother had Lung Cancer.  His first question was, "Is she a smoker?"  I had no idea how to answer that question or what drove it.  My mom smoked until she was 40.  She quit in 1984, it was torture for all of us, especially her.  Smoking is a bitch of an addiction to kick. Statistics say that 20 years post quitting your chances of developing Lung Cancer are that of a non-smoker.  I said "She was." and the conversation ended at that point.   The smoking stigma slapped me right in the face.  I had no idea what had just happened, NO IDEA. I stopped talking about it and only to my closest friends.  It wasn't until 2011 that I started to wake up and talk about it, more and more and more.  Now it is a main topic of conversation.

A bit of history on my mom, January of 2007 my mother starts having these awful pains in her back and shortness of breath.  Doc ordered an x-ray, nothing.  Her smoking history wasn't considered, she was technically a non-smoker, so her primary care physician prescribed painkiller after painkiller   Nothing worked. The pain was so intense and constant nothing was numbing it, nothing. Eventually the question of Cancer came up.  Why is this the LAST thing considered?  From January 07 - July 07 the tumor grew around her ribs and spine pinching nerves (the pain she felt) to a whopping 8cm when it was finally diagnosed as Lung Cancer.  I am blathering towards the why this has me all twisted up at the present time.  Next week by this time we will know if that bastard tumor, which has been dead for the last three years, remains dead.

I came home from my run muddy and crying.  Hubb called me when I was about a minute from home, too late for me to even attempt to pull myself together.   My poor hubb can't understand me through my sobbing and just looks so desperate to help me.  He did say, "Well at least you are muddier than yesterday.  So maybe I'll believe you, this time."  That garnered the giggle it was meant to. I had so hoped he would be off at his evening commitment so I could just collapse on the kitchen floor and have the dogs demand their dinner.  I don't like to explain myself, I just like to be left alone until I am feeling my normal sarcastic smart-ass self and then live on, avoiding talking about whatever...  That poor man, God love him, I know I do, just sat there trying to figure out what was going on and be supportive to this hot muddy mess standing in front of him.  Seriously, I'd rather have the dogs deal with me, they would just lick my tears (and my muddy legs) and breathe their stinky wonderful dog breath on me and eventually one of them drags over a toy as if to say, OK, enough, let's play and most likely box me in the face!!!  We would play and wrestle there on the floor till I felt better.

Hubb just said, "Hon, it is OK, your mom is more energetic and positive than she was this time last year, everything is fine. All is fine.  You had me worried there for a second."  And he suggested that I was a little muddy and ripe and wouldn't a shower feel good, he turned up the hot water heater.  A super hot shower, hmmmmmm....

So crying and running doesn't work so well, you become more of a mouth breather and erratic ..  oh well, at least I felt like I was beating something evil out of me through every footfall, as erratic as they were.

All in all the run helped, I got to splash through a couple puddles, I didn't want to do all of them, MCM is happening in less than 4 weeks, I cannot be injured and that includes blisters. First rain post MCM and I'll be hitting ALL of the mud and the puddles.  After all I am a 12 year old boy disguised as a middle aged woman.



The loop from yesterday starts and ends at the green dot but through the green area....

Yeah, lacking consistency.  The trail was so beautiful.  

Beth, the hot mess.

No comments:

Post a Comment