Flying Spaghetti Monster

It has been a rough week in the cancer world.  Thankfully not my mom, however friends of my mom, friends of both my mom and my dad, friends of mine have said good bye to loved ones with cancer and we've had to welcome new members into the cancer club.  

I had to welcome in a new member of the Daughter’s with Mother’s with Cancer club, and the sub-group Lung Cancer.  It has brought back a flood of memories and feelings.

I never put this nasty disease out of my mind, sometimes it just simmers on the back burner, and that’s when it starts to give off this horrible rotten stench of bad news.  It is exhausting to have it always in the forefront of my mind and I welcome the time when it goes and hides in a back closet, although it always seems to come out with a vengeance as it has been being ignored.

Reminds me of a cat we had in Wisconsin.  Foghorn was his name. He was a long haired orange tabby cat that adopted us, just meandered into the mudroom one day demonstrated he knew how to let us know he wanted to go outside and how to use the litter box and not be a pest to the other cats.  Sure, welcome home cat.  We named him Foghorn because he made a noise like a foghorn (we weren’t always the most creative cat namers – Black Tail and Red Tail were prime examples of this) he made this noise instead of purring or meowing.  One day he disappeared just like he showed up.  It was about a week and we looked for him all over the house and the farm and my mother figured he just moved on down the road to a new family.  

In the bathroom across from my brother’s room was an ‘idiot’s closet’.  A very strange storage space, half way up the wall and it had a door.  We’d all been warned to NOT hide in there for hide and seek because there was no way to get out from the inside.  So of course this was the favorite hiding spots for hide and seek.  Usually it was us and the Gorman kids.   They lived in the house before us and it was fun to play with them in the old rambling sometimes spooky house and barns.  One of the 6 of us would get locked in at some point in time, usually on purpose by the seeker ‘accidentally’ closing the door because we all knew it was supposed to remain shut.  My Mom and their Mom stopped getting mad at some point and when it came time to ‘count noses’ they just went up to the bathroom and let out whichever one of us was locked in. 

We even checked the ‘idiot’s closet’ no Foghorn.  But shhhh there was this strange noise in the hallway closet.  

Whoever opened that door was greeted by the angriest orneriest hungriest cat they had ever met. 

See how that worked, angry cat angry cancer?

Helps take my mind to a different place as I relive the emotions of my mother being diagnosed through my friend’s mother’s recent diagnosis.   

I've never had a child, so I don’t know about repressing the pain of child birth enough to have another; some women say it is similar to the pain of finishing a marathon and then running another one.  I’ve no point of reference here.  Other than after I finished my first marathon I signed up for and ran my second one in less than 3 months, whatever pain I was supposed to feel from the experience I didn’t until the third one, and we don’t talk about it, and I don’t know if I’ll ever run another one, yes, it was that awful for me.  Oh, don’t go bringing up a 50K is longer than a marathon it is a COMPLETELY different thing, trails, the bestest runners in the whole wide world total apples and oranges comparing a blissful 31 mile trail run with 150 people to a 26.2 mile slog on the road with a bazillion runners elbowing each other.

Absolutely I’m trying to get back into full on suppression mode of the emotions of a parent being sick.  I can’t even imagine the emotions around losing a parent.  

My friends mother’s appointment with the oncologist was yesterday, I checked in.  I know I wasn’t so eager to share my pain but if someone asked I would unload.  And unload she did.  Ending with this:

“I will be honest, I am not well.  Everyone around me is stressing me with mom's condition one way or another and I feel sick.  I don’t even want to keep helping people anymore. I don’t have the strength in me for that and want to save it for mom. I don’t want to talk to people any more.  I look strong in front of my family but I am broken inside. It hurts so much. “

And I broke down... All those emotions came flooding back…

I replied back starting with this:

“I know exactly where your head is.  That over whelming desire to crawl up inside you and tell everyone to go to hell while you try and sort it all out.”

My advice to her was to put aside what could be put aside, say for a month, and revisit it then, when a new normal was starting to take shape.    If someone offers to help, unload what used to be a joy and now is a burden, say for a month, and revisit it then, when a new normal starts to take shape.   I honestly couldn’t tell you what I put on the back burner and what I didn’t; I went through the motions for many months maybe a year?  When my mother’s chemo seemed to be working and first the tumor shrunk, then it stabilized, and then she said she had enough of treatment and the tumor stayed exactly the same after a year of CT every 3 months, then a year of every 6 months and now two years of once a year, slowly through each round of good news a new normal began to emerge for everyone.

So a big fat smack on the face is what happened, was it because I've been leaving cancer locked in the closet like Foghorn?  Probably not.  This is how life works, you have a run of peace and a run of non-peace, if it was all easy and smelling of roses 24x365 it would be boring, right?

Thanks for listening.  As I told my friend, sometimes you just have to say it out loud and see how it sounds.  Kind of like how a past boyfriend explained to me to tell when spaghetti was done, throw it at the wall and if it sticks it’s done.

Sincerely, 

Beth, who is now craving pasta and wants to hug her mom

Marine Corps Marathon Training - Week 9 - Recap

Ok, so I've really not been in a story telling mood, and if you don't have anything funny or sarcastic to say, just don't say anything at all...

Today wrapped up week 9 of MCM training, half way there!  Guess it is all down hill from here?  

On the positive side the only injury I am nursing is a sore left knee.  Think I need one of those under the knee strap thingys, but will investigate PT first.  Amy of the pointy elbows figures it is something to do with how the muscle is tracking over the kneecap and mentioned something about Piriformis Syndrome.  She has always been spot on, so I will listen!!  Last year it was PF and the left knee in pain, like stopping at mile 4 and 10 and screaming, not just sore...  probably something else.  In any event I am pleased and enjoying training far more than last year!!

Monday:  0 for the run and TRX

Tuesday:  4.1 run and 1.5 walk - I went out for a run mid day.  Things in the open space were getting dicey and I needed a break from the guys.  I ran a mile then saw Don and Ro and well barged in on their conversation and walked back to the site with them.  They chastised me for running when I had a race that night... oh pshaw... 

Battle of Stonington - recap I ran this last year.  My splits last year were a bit faster, and my time was 20 seconds faster.  But hey, tis what it tis and I am just getting slower, probably because I am getting fat?  HA!  Well, there is a little truth to that.  But that is neither here nor there.  I've immensely enjoyed the fun runs on Tuesday nights.  I missed them last year as Tuesday was my NYC day as I had a class on Thursday night and well my boss is in the city on Tue and Thur and what would be the point of going in on Wed, if she isn't there?  Well other than to meet up with friends, share some drinks, and laughs after work?



29:40 was my time on this 5K, I'm pleased, it is under 30.  Let's not look back a the beginning of the fun runs when I was seeing times in the 28s, ok?  (oh yeah and I was running 5 miles during the day - must be the heat and the high dew point?)


Wednesday:  big old ZERO!  I had a full day of meetings and dinner out with a couple girlfriends.  I did treat myself with some ice cream from Drawbridge in Mystic and walked around for half an hour or so....  hardly makes up for lobster tacos and a tall tall cocktail...  whaeves...  but we did see Inge's new yacht!!  Ok it is Rupert Murdoch's, but Inge appreciated me saying, "Hey your boat is here!!"

Thursday:  Oh you guessed it NY, watched that 5:23 pull away from the platform and had to stick around for the 5:48, blargh.  I didn't even manage to get in a walk to Bryant Park, double blargh.

Friday:  6 on the road and 15 on the bike.  I enjoyed my 6 mile lunch run until I got back to the office to find out this was actually Lauren's actual last day and her really, this is her final going away lunch, lunch.  Damn that girl out did me with going away lunches and happy hours.  Although I have a sneaking suspicion she will be back as an Employee versus the Temp she has been for the better part of 18 months.  Hmmm... how long has it been?  Well in any event.  I only managed two going away lunches and one HUGE happy hour before I managed to get off a lay off wave and land a permanent job.  That was a miserable 14 months...  it all turned out ok and I am keeping my fingers crossed for Lauren!!



There was much talk about how legs felt heavy and fortunately one of the guys said, well my 9 is compared to my usual 7, so I didn't feel so sluggish for a 10:47!! 

I took advantage of a compressed work week and was home by 4 to get in a ride out to Watch Hill and explore a bit.  It has been years since I've been down to the light house and took the paved?  Wait, when did that get paved? Road.  Observe the magnificent view and take the opportunity to snap a pic of TS house, I think I see a couple guys I recognize running down the beach?  Bwahaaa...

Saturday: 26 on the bike.  Hubb goes out to fly RC planes in the a.m. leaving me to sleep in (like that ever happens with Jax the wrestling king) and get some house work done.  

Dog (Giz) as his co-pilot!  He designed and built this P-29!!

So we go on our ride in the early afternoon.  Quite enjoyable.   I took some cues from Jeff and 5Ks ride and an overwhelming curiosity to see what was on 216 plus wanting to take a ride through Watch Hill with Hubb and show him some of the places I run.  




Sunday: 16.5 run and 5 on the bike.  The Saturday night dinner choice was breakfast for dinner or baked potatoes....  OK so breakfast for dinner (waffles and sausage) was not a great idea.  We both had a sugar buzz and then Hubbs phone making noise from the texts he was getting about Sunday a.m.s ride, seriously, set your phone to QUIET or leave it downstairs, blargh.   We both got late starts.  All in all not a bad run.  I looked at my 17 milers from about this time last year and I ran it a little faster, so yeah, me! 

I enjoyed my run down to Watch Hill and over to Misquamicut last week so decided to try the same thing and add commit to the rest of the miles.  OK I went out for 18 and did 16.5, still and all.  I'm not disappointed and got asked out by some guy taking money for parking.  Woot... old smelly lady still has it.  HA HA HA!!!  



Hubb and I took a pre dinner ride in hopes to just work out some kinks from our sore legs.  Apparently he had a difficult time keeping up with his buddy who rides a single speed mountain bike.  DAMN!!  Impressive!!  We did see one of his other biking buddies out with the wife and kids for a Sunday evening ride.   Nice!

Sincerely, 
Beth, training is on track, fundraising is not...

PS You've gathered I am very passionate for Lung Cancer advocacy, well really any cancer (my family is riddled with it).  I became addicted to running training for my second Half Marathon (Providence Cox in 2012 - Providence Cox 2011 was, well, a very valuable lesson in proper training) and went on to sign up for the Marine Corps Marathon with Team Lung Love mid way through my Providence Cox 1/2 Marathon training...  

I'll beg and plead with family, but if you want to get in on the action supporting me, I'd be completely OK with that!  Yeah, I am not one for sales and feel weird posting this here but here goes.... because maybe my cancer discussions/rants reached you or you know someone with Lung Cancer, or have it?

My Team Lung Love page

MCM Training Week 5

Setting the stage:  I’m slightly cynical, with a side of sarcastic, sprinkled with a healthy dose of pragmatism. 

I joined a women s running group on Facebook.  An area where women can post about their running achievements, disappointments, challenges, and just get to know other women runners.  I joined a little halfheartedly, knowing I may pick up some interesting information a couple of tips but generally there would be forty seven thousand posts on the age old question do you wear underwear or go commando.  Seriously, a little tired of THAT conversation. 

Scrolling through, the usual underwear or commando questions, a few on pooping, some on fueling, a handful of  wave or no wave.  The posts that pique my interest more are about the first time or the millionth time running a particular race distance and goals people have for themselves...

Then there was something different.

Tammy

 Wow.

I open the snail mail once a week.  If I opened it daily I’d end up going through it more than once, and why bother.  So I sit down with the big basket of what amounts to mostly junk mail and open and sort into recycle, shred, deal with piles.  Even packages don’t get opened up right away.  Hubb works from home so he has time to stop, and open the package, and appreciate what is inside.  I prefer to take the time to appreciate what someone has packaged up for me, which makes them bananas.

Thursday night, after spin and some errands, I was home by 7, just me and the dogs to have an hour or so to decompress before hubb got back from his bike ride.  Perfect time for the mail!

One package were some books a friend returned with jams, jellies, and salsa she made, very cool!

The other package were sock monkeys, SMAC Sock Monkeys Against Cancer.

Phoenix  and NoMo
 Phoenix is all about SMACKING Lung Cancer out of this world
NoMo is the ALL Cancer fighting monkey.

I intended to give Phoenix to my mother, living with lung cancer for 6 years.  But there was Tammy…  a year younger than me, just starting chemo after surgery, a runner, chomping at the bit to get back on the pavement.  My mom always says how sad it is to see the young people in her support groups.

Saturday morning I mailed Phoenix to Tammy.  Saturday night I did the last 4 miles for my 14 mile long run, a long way of introduction that Tammy was in my thoughts and my loop in the park was dedicated to her.  Wilcox Park in Westerly is beautiful, calming, happy place, I hope some of that calming influence made its way to Tammy on my 1/4 mile loop.

February 23rd is the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon in Orlando.  A girlfriend decided WE needed to be princesses, who can refuse a tiara, right?  I fully expect CMK and I to cross that finish line with Tammy and witness her receive her well deserved tiara.

Sincerely, 
Beth, glad she didn't give in to her cynical ways and checked out the posts in the WRC and agreed when CMK wanted us to be princesses

Marine Corps Training Week 4

Week 4 is in the books.  It was a hot one and the weather seems to be changing from it's hell like conditions to something more reasonable.

My tradition is to do a loop in the park in memory or in honor of a cancer victim.  I hate that word victim.  Patient maybe more appropriate, except for the in memory of?  hmmm  something to ponder at another time, any thoughts on the matter?

This morning's loop was in honor of Diesel, one of our dogs.  We lost him 3 years ago today.  He had a cancer called Hemangiosarcoma on his spine.  We discovered it as he was slowly loosing the ability to stand up over the course of several hours, September 14, 2008, 13 months after my mother was diagnosed with Lung Cancer cancer.  The tumor wrapped itself around his spinal cord and was slowly compressing it, cutting off the nerves.  Hubb rushed him off to Ocean State Veterinary Specialists in East Greenwich, RI.  The prognosis was not good, Diesel, a middle aged boxer, aged 7, had cancer.  Boxers are known 'cancer factories' so you go into developing a love of this breed knowing the end is going to be too soon and heartbreaking.  

Hubb and Diesel - with the tennis ball, his most favorite toy, ever!

The vet said that they could operate and he could go on chemo and the chances weren't good, he is a middle aged boxer, but there was a chance, and it was our decision.  Diesel loved life and didn't act like he wanted to give up or be separated from us so we took the chance and spent the money on the surgery, the scans, the chemo, the drugs, the wheels, and he was with us until July 21, 2010, a month shy of his 9th birthday (August 21, 2001).

He was the best napping buddy!

The vet said that the tumor was slow growing and he had been relearning how to walk through the course of the tumor growing and compressing the spinal cord.  Amazing.  After his initial surgery they did not think he would walk again.  He did!  We were out with him and Gizmo and Sage at the park taking a walk/roll and noticed his back feet were moving in time with his front legs. His tail was even wagging, huh.  He re-learned to walk and gained enough strength in his legs to run.  The second time he lost the ability to walk, the tumor had grown again, and was abated by a different chemo, he walked again, but for only a few months.

Wheels!  We do have them for loan!!

The last time he walked was May of 2010.  I remember that trip to the park, just him, hubb, and me.  

Chewing a stick!

My mother found Diesel to be inspirational for her.  She would say how that dog had no idea what the hell was going on yet he just kept keeping on.  

If you've been reading for a while you know I'm not unfamiliar with cancer, it has been in my life since childhood.  Please, if you want, let me know if you have a cancer connection. I try not to go on about it too much as this is a running blog, cancer is one of the things that got me running, so I do circle back to it on occasion and as my training progresses I will talk a bit more about it in my weekly MCM training updates. 

Recently I had a conversation with someone about cancer; they commented it was a new disease.  As nice as I could, I said, well not really, it has been around since the beginning.  There are human fossils with indications of cancer.  Knowing I needed a more 'real' example,  I drew upon what family history I know. My great grandmother passed away from Ovarian Cancer in 1935.  I cannot remember who I was talking to, they were shocked.  Pretty much as shocked as I am that there are people who don't know about the horror show known as cancer.  Honestly, deep down I am very happy they don't know about the horror show known as cancer.

Today I need to put together my fundraising page for Team Lung Love, I have set a $5,000 goal.  The marathon is 14 weeks out!  I have the training under control, now to get to meeting my fundraising goal!!

I will end on a happier note!  I was accepted into the National Lung Cancer Partnership Lung Cancer Summit.  The attendees are limited to 75 and I was required to answer several essay questions, I am guessing to gauge my true interest and passion in becoming a Lung Cancer advocate.  In September I will be traveling to Dallas, TX to learn more about how to become an advocate, crafting my personal message, and networking with other people who have the same passion I do.  My training schedule calls for a 20 mile run that weekend.  I will be running that a week early, obviously, and getting in what miles I can during the summit.

Oh wait!  My 13 mile run today!

Eminem helped me rock mile 11.  I had no idea I had THAT in me!!   Eminem "Till I Collapse" came on the iPod and the 9:50 in a sea of 11 minute miles was a shocker.  I played it twice. That song came as a recommendation and what a stellar one it was!  I've been suspicious my music selection has hampered any speedy progress, I do find I fall into beat with which ever song comes up.  Fat Boy Slim was next up with Praise You then Slash Dot Dash Dot Com.  Better get on getting higher BPM songs in the mix!

And don't judge, ok?  I'm a Michigan girl and he has a cute chin divot... 




Sincerely, 
Beth, reminding everyone to revel in all that is Diesel, a dog who loved every single minute of life.  We can all learn a lot from dogs, they live in the moment, as we all should.  Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is very far away, and the present is a gift, enjoy it and embrace it!

Mr. September, his two favorite things the beach and a tennis ball.  The booties are because the sand really bothered his feet in the fall and as he aged.

Running with Sage, no booties, his paws were all toughened up from a winter on the beach!

Wordless Wednesday This is Not!

Today’s lunch was a short run.  It was 78 degrees F, with 87% humidity, and the sun magically appeared oh yeah… 

Taken at 11:45 a.m.

Even the downhill back to the site was a slog.  I really need to start getting up early and running before work.  I got back to my desk, we sit in open plan, and there are three of us facing inwards at each other.  Number One Smart Guy (#1SG) got back from his lunch about 30 minutes later, he took one look at my still pink face, which is NEVER pink, and said, rather tentatively, “How was the run?”  I said “Hot”  #1SG looking a little concerned “You are the color of your shirt (it was pink).”  I said “You aren't going to buy it being a little sun burn?”  #1SG “Um, no. You never come back from a run looking anything other than more relaxed than when you left.”   3.3 miles I really really needed to run.  It had been since Saturday I laced up. 

The only running I got in on Tuesday night were errands. (Monday I spent all day in the car) God love the hubb (the capturer of bats) he managed to buy salad and veggies while I was gone for 4 days, so he didn't starve or live on Pop Tarts (I think he relishes my time away so he can go buy and devour a family size of Strawberry Pop Tarts, I’m sure we all do these things when the spouse/partner is away, admit it).  Anyhoodles, we were out of beer, cottage cheese, and oranges.  The latter two being my breakfast and probably the MORE important things on the list, however I put them in alphabetical order so one didn't appear more important than the other.   

Tomorrow is a local 4^th of July Race,  Camier’s Firecracker Four Miler.  I hemmed and hawed about signing up, did I really want to do this? Nicole posted she was.  I took the bait; she knew I would.    We usually run together on Thursday so it seems logical.  I hope she doesn't want to race this.

Not the logo but I thought this was cute

Marine Corps Marathon training kicked off on the 24^th.  It is not going as stellar as last year.  Fortunately it is 17 weeks out and I have another chance this weekend to redeem myself with a long run and I have the Jamestown ½ on the 13th.  I know myself well enough that I scheduled a few ½s and other distance races during training to keep me motivated and check in with different clothing or accessories as well run a double or two. 

I’m a little over the fuel belt option and I really liked the back pack hydration I used for the Ice Age 50.  Thing is all the names on the back of my race jersey won’t be visible so I need to figure a different option.  NOT carrying water isn’t really one of them.  It is a security blanket to me, plain and simple.  Although the bottles are MUCH easier to refill and there was water damn near every mile on the MCM course last year.  I may try one of the half’s without carrying water and see how it goes.    I did get aFlip Belt and used that on my run in MI and found that a water bottle fit nicely in there along with my iPhone so I may consider that as an option.  Then again, plenty of people run marathons without carrying water.  Obsess much, there Beth?

Names on your race jersey. Anyone get stuck on that part?   I run with the Lung Cancer Alliance’s Team Lung Love (TLL).  They formed about 4 years ago as an idea Julia, who lost her mother to Lung Cancer and had been actively involved with Team in Training, had an idea to form an endurance sports training program that raises awareness and funds for the fight against lung cancer. She approached the Lung Cancer Alliance with her idea to raise funds and awareness said they said sure let’s see how it works.  Well it has!   This is what the Lung Cancer Alliance does with the funding they raise through TLL and other events:  

As part of my fund raising, I collect names in honor of and in memory of for my race jersey.  It is very powerful to see all these names.  

We lost Ann Visloky in March of this year, RIP Ann

Lung Cancer is the number one cancer killer, 158K people yearly.  It is second leading cause of death (heart disease is #1 with nearly 600K people yearly).  Lung Cancer kills more than colon (52K) breast (41K), pancreatic (35K), and prostate (36K) cancers combine.  One more statistic, bear with me, data junkie here.  Of the probable 220K people diagnosed with lung cancer 50% will not live more than 1 year.  Of the remaining 110K only 15% (16.5K) will still be alive in 5 years.  Miserable statistics, yes?  To put it in a different perspective, assume all your Facebook friends were diagnosed with Lung Cancer, for me that is 270, 135 will make it the first year, 20 will be around 5 years from now.  I would be hard pressed to pick which 20 FB friends I’d like to have around in 5 years…   I’m still scratching my head how I possibly know 270 people…

So why are the statistics so poor?  Well it gets caught late, very late, after it has spread and people only have months to live.  A college friend of my parents’ had a miserable cough for months and finally went in to get it checked out, Lung Cancer, all over, he was dead in a few months. There isn't the tell tale lump.  There isn't bleeding where there simply should be no bleeding.  The ‘traditional’ signals the body gives off that there is something wrong simply aren't there.  As with most soft tissue cancers, like Pancreatic, the signs just aren't there. And then there is the stigma. 

The stigma; there is a HUGE stigma associated with Lung Cancer.  The first question is the dreaded smoking question. There is a woman in my mom’s cancer support group who completely abandoned her job because she didn't want to face the smoking question. She was so absolutely embarrassed and felt so guilty about her past smoking history she can’t tell anyone what kind of cancer she has, or in some cases that she has cancer.  If the person smoked does that mean they deserved their disease?  What if they quit 20 years prior?  The American Lung Association says that 20 years after quitting your chances of getting Lung Cancer are that of a never smoker.  And well, that doesn't mean your chances as a never smoker are zero.  If you have lungs you can get lung cancer, it is pretty simple.  The statistics are scary, 79% of never (18%)  and non smokers (61%) were diagnosed with Lung Cancer the remaining 21% are current smokers.  Pretty freaking scary isn't it? 

Oh and smoking is the number one risk factor in all cancers.

So why are current smoker diagnosis so low?  Many many people have quit.

Regarding the stigma, a little food for thought.  Would you ask the skin cancer patient if they sunbathed?  Does that mean because they sunbathed they also deserved their disease?  Over the weekend my mom and I talked about cancer.  I asked her that question as well as telling her I put in an application to attend a seminar on Lung Cancer Advocacy hosted by the National Lung Cancer Partnership.  She stopped cold and looked at me and said she had never thought of it that way and why on earth would I want to become a Lung Cancer advocate?  Good question! Well quite simply there aren't enough lung cancer survivors.  See my little statistics ramble a few paragraphs back. There were breast cancer survivors to advocate for themselves bring attention to the disease and make dramatic and drastic changes to the treatments to get breast cancer to a near 100% survival rate.  That and well boobies are cute, lungs, not so much. 

And oh yeah, the question, my mom smoked.  She was 23 years post quitting smoking, nearly to the day she felt the first pain that is the lung cancer tumor on her spine and ribs.    Her doctor didn't even consider cancer let alone lung cancer for this bizarre pain.  It was chalked up to shingles she had a year or so prior.  Not until the lump could be felt did anyone suspect cancer.    I think the torture she put herself through having smoked, and subjecting her children to it (my father also smoked, he quit the year after she did) is enough blame, don’t you?  Yeah, sure there were warnings on the cigarette packages, but youth is, as many know, wasted on the young and it isn't until you hit that 40 mark, when things start to go downhill  exponentially that makes a person realize life is way too short and what can they do to reverse the post 40 exponential aging process. 

And my hubb the bat capturer.  In the wee hours of Tuesday a.m. the lights went on in the bedroom and he said, “Get something flat so I can take this bat outside.”  Apparently yours truly had slept through the whole process of him capturing the bat from the air to the floor in a pair of shorts from the laundry basket.  Rather ingenious, no?  I managed to think straight enough to go downstairs and grab the dust pan from the mud room and he scooped up the bat and we let it outside into the night, where all bats should be.  They are lovely creatures, we prefer them to live outside.

During the day hubb kept hearing a chirping noise, the chirping noise bats make.  Guess there were two and the other one was missing its friend.  He finally located this one and it was snuggled up in the steam radiator.  He used the shop vac to suck it out and then let it free outside.  It was a little stunned what with the daylight and getting sucked into a shop vac, however flew away to find a place to roost until it was actually time to get up.

Alive a little dusty and a little pissed

Sincerely
Beth, looking forward to the Firecracker Four Miler, hoping there are no more bat friends, and glad you stuck with my cancer story till the end.

Cancer

Tonight I went to the luminaria display at Relay for Life at Connecticut College.

I had no clue what to expect.

A girlfriend and her 11 year old son, a cancer survivor, are walking in a Relay for Life in Monroe MI.

As I walked around the loop, looking at all the luminaria I imagined Linda her sons: Matthew (diagnosed with liver cancer at 3 months old) and Raymond, and her brother making laps around the luminaria display happening at the same time in Monroe.  

I wonder if they too heard the names being read with a bagpiper playing Amazing Grace in the background.

Yes, yes bagpipes CAN be background music.  I often wonder what ever became of the man who played his bagpipes at Misquamicut beach on Saturday mornings.  Their sound combine with the sound of the ocean made my weekly long walk with Lola the bananas boxer somewhat calming.

And I digress.

There were so many luminaria, so many names.

I am always perplexed when I meet someone whose life is void of cancer.  Really?  That's possible.  Then again I was also surprised that no other families left a shot and a beer for Santa Claus.  It has been in my life since I was 4.

Sometimes I am jealous, they don't know the pain, the worries, the angst.  Sometimes I am sad they don't know that feeling of victory and relief when a scan comes back clear or no change.

I managed to only shed a few tears tonight.  Thinking of how far cancer research has come since 1972 and thinking how far it hasn't come for so many cancers.

Tears won't cure cancer.  Tears won't bring awareness.  Tears won't increase research.  Action will.

Action in the form of raising awareness through races and walks.  Action in the form of lobbying congress to pass bills such as the Recalcitrant Cancer Research Act.  Action in the form of raising funds to support awareness and research.

Sincerely,
Beth, running with the Lung Cancer Alliance's Team Lung Love, raising funds and awareness to bring assistance and hope to the people diagnosed with Lung Cancer.

Why Do You Run? - Quite The Loaded Question!

I run with the Lung Cancer Alliances’s Team Lung Love. We have a page on Facebook where the question “Why do you run?” was posed. A few fellow runners posted their stories and one said, “Beth, tell your story.” So I did. Unbeknownst to me my FB friends could actually see this post and one commented she couldn’t like my post but wanted me to know she appreciated my authenticity and admired the power I had chosen to have in my life.


That got me to thinking. Generally I’m a pretty introverted person, I know how weird for someone like that to have a blog and a FB page. Sometimes I have something I need to say out loud and these are perfect vehicles. I still feel like I am under a bit on anonymity because no one is seeing me say what I want to say. I know, I know it is sort of weird. Then again I like to write so maybe that is a characteristic of a writer or a story teller?

I will share with you my post:

Why do you run? This is why I run.

In August of 2007 my mother called, it was a Thursday. She never calls, unless it is bad news. She announced she had Cancer, Lung Cancer. I honestly cannot say the news of Cancer surprised me. This is what happens to the women in my family. They get Cancer, then they die.

My mom's mom passed away from Breast Cancer in July 1976, she was 57 years old. She was 4 years diagnosis to death. (all but one of her 7 sisters has passed from Cancer)

My dad's mom passed away from Ovarian Cancer in November 1987, she was 69. She was 3 years from diagnosis to death. Her mother died from Ovarian Cancer April 1935, she was 46.

Cancer has been in my life since I was 6 when my mom's mom was first diagnosed. It has been an unfortunate fact of life.

It was that “die from Cancer” that got me. My mom was going to die.

I started running in January of 2010, I was 42, fat, out of shape, and had been informed 3 months earlier I was on a lay off wave. The positive was my mother was still alive, and had progressed wonderfully through chemo therapy and radiation, in fact the tumor had stopped any activity. So then, why was I slowly killing myself?

I didn't take immediately to running, Couch to 5K in 2010, led to 1 5k and 1 3.6 mile trail race. My time was abysmal in both. In the spring of 2011, my father forwarded me an eMail. Lung Cancer Alliance Team Lung Love, an endurance team running ½ and full marathons to raise funds and awareness for Lung Cancer. Well, I could get behind this. How long was a half marathon 13.1 miles? I could run three why on earth couldn't I run / walk 13.1. I signed up, for the Cox Providence Rhode Race to be run May of 2011.  I haphazardly trained and crossed the finish line, in pain, hungry, and exhausted, 3 hours and 17 minutes after I started.

I vowed to actually run that damn thing next year (2012). I wasn't going to be conquered by a half marathon, my mom wasn't conquered by Lung Cancer, damn it.

So why do I run? I run for my mom, for Lung Cancer, and for those who can’t. I run because I can, because half way through training for the 2nd ½ marathon I fell in love with running and signed up to run with Team Lung Love in the Marine Corps Marathon in October of 2012, and will be running MCM again in 2013.

And as I am typing and editing this my mother (now over 5 year Lung Cancer survivor) called to let me know my cousin gave birth to her son and nearly died during childbirth. The nurse reported that she has seen cases of hemorrhaging much less severe take the mother's life.

And from this my take away is, my mother's generation and my generation are going to beat all the odds. I'll run and my cousin will be the best damn mother on the planet (well besides my own).

And that dear reader, is why I run.

Why do you run?

Sincerely,
Beth, running since 2010!

Terrific Thursday!!!!

One of my BIG motivators for running is Lung Cancer, specifically running with the Lung Cancer Alliance's Team Lung Love.  Team Lung Love runs Marathons and Half Marathons across the US all with the goal of raising funds for the Lung Cancer Alliance.

A little bit about the Lung Cancer Alliance, it is the only national non-profit organization dedicated solely to providing support and advocacy for people living with or at risk for Lung Cancer.  Having referred several people to the Lung Cancer Alliance and have gotten huge THANK YOU in return for the support and information the Lung Cancer Alliance was able to provide; I am even more convinced I picked the right Lung Cancer advocacy organization to become involved with.

Check out the Lung Cancer Alliance website for all the services they offer the Lung Cancer patient, those at risk for Lung Cancer, and the families and caregivers of Lung Cancer patients.  Truly an amazing and wonderful group of people. I'm honored to have met (and run) with many of them!!

The Lung Cancer Alliance and it's supporters, along with the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network (PAN CAN) lobbied federal hill to ensure the Recalcitrant Cancer Act was published into law.  Today the President signed this in to law!!  What does this legislation included in the National Defense Authorization Act of 2013, require?  It requires the National Cancer Institute (NCI) to develop scientific frameworks for addressing cancers with survival rates of less than 50%, with first priority attention to lung and pancreatic cancers.  See the Press Release for more detailed information.

This is one of the reasons I run.  I am motivated by this cause, my mother was diagnosed with Lung Cancer in 2007, she is a 5 year survivor.  There is a 15% 5 year survival rate, the same as it has been since Nixon declared War on Cancer in 1971.  Many other cancers are survivable, people live with them like any chronic condition.  Someday, and sooner rather than later with this landmark legislation, Lung Cancer and Pancreatic Cancer patients will be living with the disease and not dying from it.   Why do I run?  My mother would not let me shave my head in support of her loosing her hair through chemo, she suggested I find something more productive to do than be bald in the middle of winter.  She then proceeded to remind me how I was nearly three before my hair actually started growing and now that I had hair, why mess with success.  Even in the throws of chemo and chemo brain she was on her game!!!  My father found the link to Team Lung Love and forwarded it to me with a note saying "This may be a better option than shaving your head."

Most people I run with have lost a family member to Lung Cancer. A few of them are even surviving WITH Lung Cancer!!!   At times I feel so guilty my mother has survived, when so many mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, grandmothers, grandfathers, brothers, sisters, husbands, and wives lives have ended far to early from this bastard of a disease.   Once I get out of my funk, I remember that it is the survivors and the loved ones of those lost to Lung Cancer that  can and will make the difference.  They shout out, No More Lung Cancer. No More Excuses.  Would the Breast Cancer mortality rates have plummeted so dramatically if the women, and the men, surviving Breast Cancer,and their families, didn't band together to increase awareness about the disease and funding for a cure?  They were able to take advantage of Nixon's War on Cancer, kudos for them! Now it is time for Lung Cancer, the Recalcitrant Cancer Act kicks it up a notch (in the infamous words of Emeril Lagasse) bringing Lung Cancer out of the shadows, ensuring people can be diagnosed earlier when there is a fighting chance of managing and defeating this disease!!!

I have so many supporters, both who financially donate to the Lung Cancer Alliance for the races I run and who encourage me when the going gets tough and I feel like giving up.

Thank you all!  You all are a part of this landmark legislation!!!

Sincerely,
Beth, who sees no problem with the date of 1/3/13!! Double thirteens mean good tidings!!


PS OH yeah, I did run today.  3.6 miles in 20 F.  My fashion consultant would have had a coronary had she seen my outfit.  Orange and white striped hat, green shirt, black and white skirt with black capris and black socks with blue polka dots finished off by dark gray Asics with green and purple accents.  I was quite the sight to behold.  Channeling Blossom, perhaps?  One of my co-workers actually stopped me and said "Beth, you usually are so pulled together what the hell happened?" as I was skittering out of the gym to start my run.  At that point I KNEW it was bad if these words came out of a guys mouth.  Alas, I did not snap a picture, it may have broken the camera!!

Consistency

Today was my annual skin cancer screening.  I am a light skinned light haired blue eyed skin cancer event waiting to happen.  I've gotten several things cut out, cut off, and today I had something burned.  An Actinic Cheilitis burned off of my lower lip.  Doc said this will hurt,  I braced myself.  It didn't hurt, I didn't flinch, he said, you are a tough broad..   A few minutes later, it hurt, like a burning sensation... I've noticed this spot get darker as the summer progressed.  I'm not as diligent as I should be with sunscreen...  Doc said that the bottom lip gets hit with the sun even with a hat, try Zinc.  Ok...

After my appointment, it was still light out and I had an hour before sunset, time for a quick run!  As I reviewed the pace/elevation chart I was AMAZED at the consistency!  This is something I have been striving for.  Even with the big up hill I stayed steady.  WOOT!!

Pace / Elevation - the spikes are traffic lights and stop signs

Stats:

Sincerely,
Beth who ran out of steam mid post....

"Your Fire is Back"

After an interesting conference call my work hubb says "Beth you've got your spark back, atta girl." I've been a bit out of it, not quite mopey just not me since I got back from the Marathon.  Post Marathon Depression, it really is a real thing.  All that build up that HUGE serotonin release the high, oh that high.  I floated on that high for a week.   Note: I sit in an open floor plan in a tri desk the three of us in a small space all facing in.  You don't hide much of anything from anyone in that situation.    Tim was great about talking me off the ledge for my pre race stress and poking me appropriately to get my fire back.  You can't ask for a better friend, hence my 'work hubb'.

After lunch I went on a quick 5K run around the block and felt even better, got a little spring back in my step as some would say.  Hmmm... maybe the brain chemicals have reached a level of homeostasis?  I knew I should have doubled up on the Zoloft for the week after...  Ran in to a fellow runner, just back from 10 miles.  We compared race results over the weekend and talked about the post marathon depression, seriously people, this is a REAL thing, I'm NOT making it up!!!

TRX was tonight, just two of us and the instructor.  Lots of talk about cancer and who has what and who just died from what. The things we gals talk about.  Then we got on the subject of generators.  I am the only one lacking a generator.  Lots of talk about wattage and how to wire it and turn it on and off and well, totally not girly conversations of TRX classes past.  Hey whaddya want, we just dealt with a Hurricane and a Nor'Easter out here in New England whaddaya think we are going to talk about?

A friend of mine announced he has signed up for his first 1/2 marathon!  I'm so proud.  He has been running for a while and having a goal for 13.1 in April 2013 is awesome!!  So proud!!

So yeah, my fire is back, I am feeling more like my feisty self, bring it!

Sincerely,
Beth, is back, back again....

Tests

Crazy morning meetings left a space at noon to go for a run! The sun is starting to set earlier and earlier which is going to make trail running challenging.  Grumble grumble grumble....

I decided to see if I could better my time from yesterday on the 5K route!  I also emptied my gym bag and try to be a little more organized with its contents!  Both were successful!

The weather was beautiful and sunny, a little chilly just in the high 50F temperatures.  I don't ever remember if there was a breeze, so there probably wasn't.  I picked a long sleeve technical T and some shorts.  Same deal as yesterday the Garmin was right on the money and I left my badge in the basket at the guard shack and ran through the smokers.  UGH...  Up the hill and around the course.  Such a beautiful day.

There were people running on the treadmill.  I don't get that.... why?  I motioned for one of the guys to join me outside, he waved me off...  ok, enjoy your dreadmill run.

As I was running, I was thinking about this business leaving my badge at the guard shack and then just walking up and grabbing it out of the basket and walking back into campus.  I wonder, as do other outside at work runners, if someone really wanted to get inside did anyone think they could run up, grab a badge and get on to campus?  I wonder.  Maybe the guards pay more attention than we think they do?  I bet they do.  They know who comes and goes through that particular gate.  But still, hmmmmm maybe this could be part of my plot for my NaNoWrMo novel for next month?  Hmmmm....  I'll have to contemplate that a bit more.

Otherwise my thoughts were on the awesome news from my mom yesterday.  She passed her CT.  Translated this means her scan results were exactly the same as last years results which were the same as previous scans all the way back to about 36 months ago.  This is really really really amazing.  15% of Lung Cancer patients make it 5 years post diagnosis.  She reached that milestone in August!  Now this was the one year milestone from the last time she had a scan.  This is even more amazing to me because my parents have had an incredibly stressful year.  On December 26th 2011 their house burned.  I'd say half of it had to be rebuilt.  One half of the upstairs and the whole roof.  They still aren't in the house due to gross mismanagement of the project.

Let us back up even a few more months.  October of 2011 she was told by her oncologist that he saw no need to continue with frequent scans.  He showed my parents the current scan and laid the one 24 months old on top of the current one, they were identical.  He said he was comfortable with waiting a year that while he couldn't state the tumor was dead without testing it, he didn't want to poke it and if it wasn't dead have it wake up.  (my interpretation)  They were ecstatic, went out and bought a huge flat screen TV, two new living room couches, and for my parents to do such a thing is a big deal.  They were tired of their ancient TV and really wanted more comfortable couches.  Good for them.  So then less than two months later their house burns!!  So yeah, can we say stress?

Combine all the stresses of a house fire.  All those memories in the attic, gone.  All the antiques in their bedroom, gone. Watching as NOTHING happened on the reconstruction for months. Witnessing the demo crew gut their house they lovingly and painstakingly restored.  I'll stop there, you get the point, a lot of stresses   SO if something was going to happen could stress cause it, sure why not?  Cancer feeds on weakness, and stress weakens the immune system.  So yeah, there was a worry, especially as we got closer and closer and they were still not in their house and lawyers started getting involved...

And I digress, this has been something weighing heavy on my mind, and now it isn't. They should be back in their home by the end of the month and I will be able to go spend a week with them in November, I miss my quarterly long weekends in my childhood home.

Back to my run.  I felt great.  A little tired, but energetic, if that makes any sense.  I know that this was probably my last run before the 1/2 marathon on Sunday so make it a good one!  I think I accomplished that!

Yesterday was 28:42 // 9:14mi  so yeah improvement!

When I got back into the gym I got distracted, yes I am going to the focus workshop on Saturday!  SO I forgot to stretch.  I was in the shower feeling antsy   I thought oh shit, I forgot to stretch.  How does someone forget to stretch?  Well I guess they just do. I stretched a bit but not enough. This did not make for a fun afternoon.  Everything, especially my lower back, tightened up.

I checked the yoga schedule, a basic class.  Oh what I need a nice gentle yoga session.  Of course I'm running late and scramble into class to find just Heidi, the instructor.  She said, "Beth, Hi!" I said "Oh wow, just me?"  She said "Beth, you know it is Thursday right?"  I said "Yeah, I wanted a nice gentle class because I managed to not stretch after I ran and my lower back is tight." She said "OK, first, your coming on Saturday right?"  I nodded, she continued "Well yes, it is just us, this will be nice."  I agreed and said our last 1:1 class was wonderful.

We had a lovely class, working on hip opening and twists, just the thing to loosen a tight back.  As I was leaving I said I may not see her on Friday night but I would see her on Saturday!  She just chuckles at me.

Stats:

Sincerely
Beth, thrilled her mom passed her test!