Saturday, December 15, 2012

Processing...

Not sure really where to start today...

So Friday was quite shocking in Connecticut.  The second largest school massacre, 20 elementary school aged children and 6 adults were killed.  The first was Virginia Tech.  But how can one compare an elementary school massacre to a college massacre?  Or can one?  Senseless death is senseless death?

One of my friends posted "... things don't happen for a reason ..."  I agree with him.  Another friend posted "... what kind of god would allow this ..." I remember saying that exact same thing about 11 years ago when a friend called me to tell me her 3 month old son had Cancer. I said that because I wanted to blame someone?  or I just didn't understand?  Either way, things happen, shit happens, as for a reason behind it, we can invent one, if that helps us cope, we can wonder what kind of god would allow this, if that helps us cope.

It all boils down to how does one cope or process these sorts of horrific events?  I don't have the answer to that, it is a personal process.

My personal process for processing is yoga, running, meditation, chatting with other people, and long talks with Jack, Jack Daniels, that is!

Perhaps my discussion with Jack last night led to a less than stellar long run this morning?  Perhaps an exhausting week led to a less than stellar long run this morning?  Perhaps running on Saturday, when my long run day is and has always been Sunday led to a less than stellar long run this morning?  Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps...

So the run was nearly 17 miles and it took me 3 hours 24 minutes for a 12:12 pace, not my slowest long run, obviously not my quickest.  I wasn't feeling it from the first step out the door. I went for 20, made 17, and will get the rest in tomorrow as I have a trail race and intend to run it hard, well maybe hardish, who knows how my lead legs will feel.  My time on this race last year was:  33:53.  I think I can break 33 minutes!  Famous last words.  Mike did change the route a bit and it is more single track, there was about a mile of open area.  Should be interesting.  He did a great job last year with this inaugural off rhode racing series, looking forward to the 12/13 series.

The CT Governor asked that flags be at half staff in remembrance of the victims in Newtown.  I live in RI on the CT RI border and one of my long run routes takes me into CT.  A nice long winding hilly road with very light, nearly non existent traffic.





Among my thoughts were the shooting.  Why would someone do something like that?  Will we ever know what prompted this 20 year old kid to go on a shooting spree in an elementary school?  What is the connection between all these shooters?  Why?  Is there a mental dysfunction?  What is it?  How can this be prevented?  Can it be prevented?  Is gun control the answer?  Is mental health research the answer?

I thought about the scenery around me and how HAPPY I was Hubb said, "It is 27 degrees out there, I don't want you coming back looking like a boiled lobster, dress appropriately." (see Runnercicle post) I heeded his advice and dressed appropriately and was quite happy I did.  At points running with the wind at my back I was a little warm, when the route shifted and I was going into the wind, I was happy.  It really was a beautiful day for a run, sunny, mild breeze, sure it was cold temp wise, feh, not that cold for December, for sure!  Little bits of ice on the still parts of the river I run along and looking so beautifully glassy.  Mother Nature really does some beautiful things.  I am always in awe of what a little snow can do for a field of grass or trees, and the sight of ice melting off of branches is so lovely...



I thought about yoga.  Last night was detox yoga, and it was just Heidi and I.  I love our one on one classes! We dedicated last nights practice to the victims and families in Newtown, CT.  I hope they felt the healing energy we sent them.   After a series of sun salutations to warm up, time for Crow!!  I'm nearly getting balanced!!  Next up were back bends, Heidi mentioned  wheel pose.  I said, rather excitedly  I've always wanted to do that, but never have.  So we went through the set up process and I made it up, with a little help!  Final pose was shoulder stand with plow, then everyone's favorite Shavasana!!!  What a nice session.  I went in feeling rather grouchy and left feeling more centered.

Wheel Pose, nifty, eh??

I thought about running and why was I letting this self defeating attitude of "I'm not feeling it."  "How many more miles?" "This really is nuts." Take over my generally happy disposition.  I pushed out those thoughts as much as I would let myself and determined to head home for mile 17...  Perhaps I gave up?  Perhaps I gave in?  Perhaps. Perhaps.  Perhaps.

I thought about the pups.  I woke up to Sage snuggled between me and Hubb quietly snoring on the inhale with a little "whoop whoop whoop" on the exhale.  Frankly happy she was still breathing.  Poor girl is so achy with arthritis and is generally not aging well.  Hubb reported that I was not to be awakened when he got home from his night out.  "The dogs were barking and jumping all over the bed.  I was nervous you were dead, but I could feel you breathing so figured all was OK."  When I sleep I can sleep through anything.

Gus was all dressed up in his Santa suit this a.m. probably wondering why I wasn't taking him with me.



Sincerely,
Beth, processing....




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